Game Review: Bears 16, Dolphins 0

Game Review: Bears 16, Dolphins 0

I always wondered what it was like to be a fan of an opposing team while facing an inept Chicago Bears quarterback.

How wonderful would it be to have your favorite defense lineup against the likes of Henry Burris, Chad Hutchinson, Jonathon Quinn, Steve Stenstrom, Moses Moreno, and Rick Mirer.

Insert Tyler Thigpen.

The Dolphins spent Thursday night moving through the Miami humidity like a knife through molasses.  The Bears maimed the Miami offensive line for six sacks and held the Dolphins to 39 yards rushing.  Thigpen got most of his passing yards in garbage time, going 10 for 14 for 94 yards...all after Matt Forte's touchdown run put the Bears up for good 16-0.  (So, when it mattered, Thigpen was only 7 of 15 for 93 yards with one interception.) 

Finally, we got to see what our opponents fans felt like going up against a completely inept quarterback.

So, where are the Bears after all of this?  They sit atop the NFC North (7-3), with a rough six game stretch waiting.  In today's NFL, 0-6 or 6-0 aren't completely out of the realm of possibility. 

Where does this leave Bears fans who wish for failure in order to get a new regime at Halas Hall?  Shit up a creek.  That's what.  I would implore those fans to take heed to these rational


"That run by Matt Forte may have been one of the best runs I have ever witnessed. That was like Walter Payton running with the wings of angels...being blocked by Jim Parker and Willie Upshaw...with a force field around them. Matt Forte is that great. When you watch football, you have to think of a Matt Forte...You HAVE to!"

 thoughts: 1. Jerry Angelo is not returning as GM, next year.  Multiple outlets have reported this.  He is tired, done with please...calm down.  2. Lovie Smith's system works with the players he has.  Trust me, nobody in the world hates Lovie as much as I do.  But he takes guys and preaches a) Good special teams b) No turnovers c) Create turnovers and you will d) win.  Just because the Bears do well doesn't guarantee Lovie a job.  3. Virginia McCaskey isn't going to get rid of Ted Phillips. 

Your best hope for regime change is simple:  Hope Virginia McCaskey dies.  She isn't quick to change...and that doesn't make her a bad person, it just means that changes don't fall down the ladders as quickly as they would in other organizations.

If the Bears keep winning, the naysayers' only hope may be her death.  I hate to be cryptic, but week by week it's starting to look that way.

So, in review, you should be rooting for the Bears because.

a) Angelo is leaving anyway, win or lose

b) Lovie's impact on the Bears is minimal  (The offense is Martz.  The defense he shares.  The special teams are Toub.  Only two things you can get on him for:  Timeouts and reviews.  Both suck.  His dealings with the media?  Well, those have nothing to do with what's on the field.  Once again, his impact on the team...a lot like many coaches in the NFL these very minimal.)

c) Ted Phillips isn't leaving unless something disastrous happens the remainder of the season OR Virginia dies.

I would just sit back and enjoy the Bears winning.  It's flipping sports.  Get a life.  Sit back and enjoy your first place Chicago Bears winning some football games.

To the game.  The Ditka (Good), The Spellman (Meh), and The Mirer (Dear Lord in Heaven!)


Julius Peppers:  Peppers sacked Thigpen three times and deflected one pass that led to an interception.  It's about time people shut up.  This man is bringing it every day.  He did it today with his defense rarely blitzing.  The Bears went with a four man rush for 90% of the game.  Peppers was double teamed 90% of the plays...and he still came out with five tackles and three sacks.  Amazing.

Brian Urlacher:  Remember the entire BS about Urlacher being washed up?  Good defensive tackles make middle linebackers look better than what they are.  (See McMichael, Hampton, Singletary, 1985.)  Urlacher is playing behind four rotating defensive lineman of little distinction.  He is all over the field; involved in any play possible.  Tonight, he staked the claim as the #1 tackler in Chicago Bears history.  It's about time people realized that this man is playing at a ridiculous level this year.

Henry Melton:  This has been going on for weeks now.  He's just starting to get noticed.  A solid little player who has busted his rear to get this role.  Another fine performance.

Devin Hester:  Why did it take the Bears four years to realize that Hester was nothing more than a pure return man with the ability to become a premier third down receiver?  3/4 of the city of Chicago knew this, but nobody on the Bears coaching staff knew this?  Why is my head about to explode?

Robbie Gould:  Check his locker.  Four kickoffs made the end zone?  Two for touchbacks?  Three field goals; one being a 50 yarder that would have been good from 60?  Has this guy been receiving 'supplements' from Todd Sauerbrun?

Honorable Mention:  Matt Forte, Lance Briggs, Israel Idonije, Johnny Knox, and Greg Olson


Tyler Thigpen:  All week we had to hear about how Tyler Thigpen 'isn't really that bad of a quarterback' and 'just got stuck on a bad team' and 'he's the best #3 quarterback in the NFL!'

Shut up, already!  Thigpen's stats in KC were jacked up due to his teams being constantly behind.  Why people can't come to this conclusion is beyond me.  He isn't awful.  He isn't great...He's Tyler Thigpen...and tonight, at times, he was tough to watch.

The NFL reception review ruling:  Does anybody actually know what the hell a catch is anymore?  So, it can touch the ground as long as you have control and it doesn't move while securing the ball?  Okay, got it....Wait, what was that again?


Miami running game:  The Dolphins ran seven times for 12 yards.  They had a third string quarterback, and didn't think to use their run game.  The line was beaten up all's really unfortunate that Miami had to field this inept team tonight...this wasn't NFL worthy.

NFL Network Announcing Crew.  I would rather wear Mama Cass' muumuu as a ski mask than listen to those three imbeciles do another football game. 

I can deal with Joe Theissman.  I grew up with him...the man is a motor mouth; I'm over him.

But Matt Millen is a horse's ass.  The worst general manager in the history of the NFL, and a man who had zero credibility before going up into the front office (How people even began to view him as a football whiz was beyond me when I was 12 years old...and I still don't get why people thought that way, today.) now gets to gush over every three yard gain to a national audience.

Boy are we LUCKY!  Stab me with a dull spoon.

Jamarcus Webb:  Take it easy, Champ.  Maybe you should sit this next one out.

Florida Sports Fans:  The worst sports fans.  From Jacksonville to Tampa to Orlando to Miami.  Fair weather as they get.

Next week:  Michael Vick and this week's Super Bowl Champions Philadelphia Eagles.

Even though we've realized for the past 10 years that nobody in the NFL is really that good anymore, we still feel the need to crown somebody every week.

So, here we go:  1) Michael Vick is Joe Montana and 2) The Eagles are going to win the Super Bowl.

Why are the Bears even going to show up on Sunday?  I mean, really.

Celebrate, folks.  The Bears are 7-3.


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  • You look at the schedule and you say they could go 10-6, that would be 3-3 through a really tough schedule, this is going to be interesting. As long as they limit turn overs (run the football) keep playing well on d, and special teams, this team could go far. the NFL isn't that good this year, and I'll take being the Worst Superbowl Champs ever!

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