Devin Aromashodu Excited to be Bears' All-Time Greatest Receiver for the Next 14 Days

BOURBOUNNAIS- Bears fans can hardly contain themselves. 

Devin Aromashodu, one of the greatest receivers in NFL history since Jerry Rice, arrived at Chicago Bears camp late Wednesday to the shouts and screams of his biggest fans. 

The 6' 2" wideout, who made his name during a late season surge, says he is primed to add on to his already glowing legacy.

"Ever since I came here, people asked me what I could possibly do to outperform my season with Indianapolis.  Those were seven big receptions.  Now, I got 24.  That's three times what I got in Indy...multiply 24 by 3.  That's 72.  Now multiply that by 3.  That's 216.  Yep, you got it.  By 2011, I promise to have 216 it."


Devin Aromashodu runs away from the Vikings helpless defense.

Throngs of media members like David Haugh, Vaughn McClure, and Dan Pompei drooled over the receiver's amazing performance last year against Minnesota.  The knockout showing propelled Aromashodu past Johnny Morris, Wendell Davis, Dick Gordon, Marcus Robinson, and Marty Booker as the greatest Chicago Bears wide receiver of all-time...and maybe just the greatest receiver ever.

"You have to understand the potential this guy has." opined Hub Arkush of Pro Football Weekly.  "He caught 7 passes for 150 yards against the Minnesota Vikings on Monday Night Football.  Minnesota then lost to the New Orleans Saints in the NFC Title game; who, in turn, won the Super Bowl.  Those Saints were coached by Sean Payton, the same Sean Payton who played under Mike Ditka...Ditka coached the '85 Bears...The '85 Bears are considered the greatest team of all time.  If I calculate all of this correctly, this means that Devin Aromashodu's receiving performance overshadowed anything done by the 1985 Chicago Bears defense.  If I were Ray Lewis, I'd be planning a double murder of Jay Cutler and Devin Aromashodu just to make sure I don't face these guys in the Super Bowl...which will be tough for Ray to do...since he's never planned a double murder before."

The worship from long-time NFL commentators also poured in...

"I've had the pleasure of watching two of the greatest receiving performances of all-time," stated ESPN commentator Joe Theismann.  "I saw Flipper Anderson catch and run for 336 yards during a Rams/Saints game...Then, I was there last year for that magnificent performance by Aromashodu...Devin's was just like Flipper's...only Flipper had 186 more yards receiving."

Aromashodu's blazing speed, stop-on-a-dime agility, and spider web hands have most scouts cowering in fear.

"I don't know if you've seen a Spiderman/Superman mix," stated an unnamed scout.  "But this guy has Spiderman's hands and Superman's body.  Did you see that performance against Minnesota, last year?  He's unreal."


As usual, Devin Aromashodu is in the end zone, by himself, after eluding the entire Minnesota Vikings defense with his god-like powers.

Said another scout:  "I don't know if you ever saw Unitas to Mackey...or Bradshaw to Stallworth, or Montana to Rice, or Manning to Harrison...but this is close.  Okay, maybe it's more like Tony Eason to Stephen Starring.  Er, Grogan to Starring.  Okay, maybe 1988 Doug Flutie to Stephen Starring...Mark Malone to Louis Lipps?  I don't know, whatever...but it's still pretty damn good!"

Aromashodu was mercilessly cut by two NFL teams two seasons ago.  The Indianapolis Colts and Washington Redskins are both under harsh media scrutiny for his release.  The fan backlash from the decisions (in light of Aromashodu's recently discovered talents) has set off a wave of anti-Redskins and anti-Colts hate.  Both teams will begin camp in a bunker hundreds of feet underground, for precautionary reasons.

Colts owner Jim Irsay released a statement to his bewildered fanbase months ago:

"The Indianapolis Colts organization understands our fan base's befuddlement at our release of Devin Aromashodu in early 2008.  We believe, in most cases, that our scouts make the best decisions possible...Obviously, in this case, we made a mistake.  Due to this mistake, I have released everybody in the organization associated with the release of Mr. Aromashodu.  After watching his Monday night performance against the Minnesota Vikings last season, it is evident that Aromashodu's cat-like reflexes and Olympian agility make him one of the greatest receivers we have ever seen.  The Colts deeply regret this error, and hope that our wonderful fan base can forgive us."

The Redskins press release was more cut and dry.

"Dear fans, We seriously f----- up.  I mean, we seriously f----- up.  We saw the game against the Vikes, too.  We definitely f----- up.  Sorry.  Love, Redskins."

The two week love fest, which is scheduled to begin on Friday, should be just a short preview of the continual ecstasy fans will give Aromashodu this season.

"I'm here for the fans," stated Aromashodu.  "People need to get ready for the hundreds of yards I am going to accumulate this season.  Get ready for Jerry Rice!  Well, 2003 Jerry Rice.  But, still, JERRY RICE!"

Bears camp opens Friday in Bourbonnais, Illinois.

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