CHICAGO- Beloved Chicago Cubs announcer Ron Santo spent the majority of opening day answering questions from various media members in regards to the Cubs current season.
Unfortunately, for the reporters on hand, Santo was stuck where he normally is; the past.
"We gave up a sleek-fielding shortstop for an unproven kid. That's going to raise a lot of questions. Larry Bowa is kind of old, too. I thought Reitz worked out nice at third. Now, you're going to put a kid there? Sounds risky."
Reporters tried to cut off Santo, but to no avail.
"Listen, it's 1982. You can't run a team like you did in the past. We had Billy, Ernie, me, Donny, Glen, and Randy...every day for seven-ten years. Now? All the player rotate. You just better hope that the consistency is there. Where. What? Was. Hold on, I need to adjust my prosthetic. Okay, where was I? Jeez. I can't seem to remember. God! Okay, yeah. We got Fergie Jenkins back,which is good...now you have Buckner. Good anchors. But in baseball, you never know. You never ever know. I just hope the Tribune keeps day baseball."
Santo would continue embarrassing himself.
"Bump Wills is as good as it gets at second base. I see him staying there for another 10 years. Listen, you won't find a second basemen that hits for power, average, has good speed, and can field everything. No way, no how. Even Joe Morgan didn't have pop. Focus on other positions for your power output! Like 3rd base. Get that Sandberg kid on the bench, and bring in a guy that can hit for some power. Like Ken Reitz! What the heck is wrong with a good guy like Ken Reitz?! That move is a risky one. I just hope this Sandberg kid works out."
"I'm just looking forward to another season starting at Wrigley Field. Brewers are in town. Really odd to start the season against an American League team. Wait, what are they doing here? This is blasphemy! Somebody get Harvey Kuenn on the phone, I have some words for him! Anybody have 15 cents so I can make a phone call? Bowie Kuhn is gonna hear about this."
Santo then abruptly stopped and took a nap. He woke shortly after the start of the fourth inning.