JOEL QUENNEVILLE ABLE TO WATER MOUSTACHE AFTER HAWKS FINALLY WIN

ST. PAUL- Chicago Blackhawks head coach and mustachioed extraordinaire Joel Quenneville told his players last week that he wouldn't water his well-coiffed moustache until the Blackhawks put together a solid sixty minutes.

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What he sacrificed for love.

Wednesday night, the Blackhawks obliged. 

Following a dominating 4-0 win against the Minnesota Wild, 'Coach Q' sped through the Excel Energy Center corridor and found the nearest sink.

"Get out of my way, this is an emergency!" piped Quenneville.

Quenneville's had not watered his stache since the Blackhawks' March 23rd win over Phoenix.  The eight day stint was Quenneville's longest since the 1986 playoffs, when Quenneville went a remarkable 23 days without moustache moisturizer or trimming.  After the Hartford Whalers' Game 7 loss to the Montreal Canadiens in the Adams Division Finals, Quenneville spent 10 days re-coiffing his moustache. 

Knowing the rougness of the previous situation, Blackhawks players knew the urgency.

"We had to win tonight.  That moustache was old, withered, grayer...overall, it just wasn't the well-coiffed moustache we're used to.  That's our coach out there.  And he's sacrificing his moustache for us.  We told each other to go out there and win one for 'The Stacher'.  We're just happy our long city-wide nightmare is over."

A city-wide nightmare, it was.  Tens of thousands of Blackhawks fans sent 'moisturizing packets' to the burly head master, but to no avail.  Die hard Jimmy Longetto was one of the many Hawks fans going through extreme pain He sacrificed his stache to show them that their level of play wasn't acceptable.  That's a man who's willing to give his most prized possession for a championship.  God bless Coach Q, and God bless that beautiful stache."

The man responsible for Phase I of the re-coiffing is Blackhawks equipment manager Troy Parchman. 

"It's a three phase re-coiffing.  First, it needs to be moisturized daily.  Then, once you get to the third day, you can begin the trimming.  After two weeks of trimming every other day, you can move forward to the primping process and coloring."

When asked why he was given the responsibility of 'coiffer', Parchman struggled for an answer.

"I guess since I handle all the sticks, jerseys, gloves, helmets, skates, pads...I guess Q's stache is another piece of equipment...outside of Brent Sopel's makeshift collection of rocks and sticks to 'make fire when cold'."

As of press, the moustache was reacting well to the moisturizer.

CHICAGO TRIBUNE VIDEO

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