Top ten Disney-Marvel hookups

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Disney is buying Marvel Comics for $4 billion dollars. Yes, billion. Naturally, when such mergers occur, one can't help but think of the mash-ups (read: hook-ups) to come when the Disney World and Marvel Universe collide. Awww, yeah...
10. Sleeping Beatuy & Captain America: Who would be surprised? These two super-duper,
all-American kids will bond over both having come back from the dead,
then hook up, move to the 'burbs, buy a minivan and have their 2.5 kids.

9. Little Mermaid & Namor the Submariner: This hook-up is the
classic sweet-girl-full-of-hearts-and-flowers hooks up with supreme
jerkface dude only to find herself holding his jacket while he pounds
PBR and plays pool. Or, water polo, as the case may be.

8. Pinocchio & Rogue: Rogue sucks the life out of everyone she touches. He's made out of wood. What's the worst she could do to him?

7. Minnie Mouse and Spiderman: After the merger-dust settles,
Mickey Mouse will surely drop Minnie for a young starlet. Minnie,
having lost one corporate mascot, must hook up with the other in order to
maintain her current social-climbing lifestyle.

6. Cruella DeVille & Wolverine: They both have claws, both
wear fur and she hates puppies. Bizarre, passive-aggressive, S&M,
cougar-y relationship to ensue.

5. Princess Jasmine & The Thing: Sick of Alladin's frequent
brushes with the law, and constantly slipping away on his magic carpet
when the conversation gets emotional, Jasmine finds the rock-solid
(har har) relationship she needs with The Thing. No magic carpet in the
world could get The Thing off the ground.

4. Snow White & Iron Man: Iron Man (aka Tony Stark, Mr.
Industrialist) will woo Snow White with business on his mind. Once he
wins her heart, she'll cheerfully answer his phone and bake pies, and
he'll put her beloved dwarves to work at Stark Industries.

3. Belle and Hulk: Let's not kid ourselves, Belle, used to
brutish behavior from the Beast, is all too accepting of her man's
rage. Hulk can rage, Belle will soothe. Aww, yeah.

2. Prince Charming, who really never did more than show up at the
right time, kiss sleeping chicks, and put a shoe on the right foot
after trying every foot in the kingdom, is a player in need of a wingman now that the
Disney Princesses have dropped him like last season's glass slippers. War Machine (aka James Rhodes) is nothing if not the ultimate wingman.

1. Pocahontas & The Beast (aka Hank McCoy): Since the
adventurous white guy did her wrong and left her with little more than
small pox and cultural ridicule, Pocahontas will set her sights on The
Beast, a fine blue man who serves as the X-Man's physician and just
happens to know the cure for small pox.

Filed under: news

Tags: @frontdoor, characters, comics, mashups

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  • Princess Jasmine is Muslim and Ben Grimm is Jewish. I wish them the best, but I can't say I'm terribly optimistic about their long-term chances.

  • In reply to gmcalpin:

    Wow, you Gordon McAlpin, know your characters.

  • In reply to gmcalpin:

    Mickey gets Mary Jane until Mephisto decides to retcon that couple out of existence! As for Jasmine and Ben Grimm, the impossible happens quite often, so I have all the confidence in the world that they'd do well.

  • In reply to GeekToMe:

    The impossible happens quite often IN COMICS I meant to say. ;)

  • In reply to GeekToMe:

    Howard the Duck. I need not say more.

  • In reply to GeekToMe:

    #10 Will end in divorce after Captain America faces pressure from conservative talk show hosts to pony up Sleeping Beauty's birth certificate and it is discovered she's actually a French nationalist who never bothered to fix her papers.

  • In reply to MrBrownThumb:

    Ha, I figured the cracks would begin to show when Flora, Fauna and Merriweather, the three fairy godmothers, moved in with them.

  • In reply to MrBrownThumb:

    In order to get costs under control at SHIELD, I hear the overnment will replace Marvel's billionaire industrialist (Tony Stark) with Disney's billionaire industrialist (Scrooge McDuck).

  • In reply to MrBrownThumb:

    I just hope this won't mess up Marvel Comics.

  • But what about Mickey? Surely the most powerful of all Disney characters gets a decent hookup after Minnie gets stuck in Spidey's web of passion? Perhaps Jean Grey (The Phoenix)? Or is she too old for the 'mightier than men' type?

  • A perfect match in #8... Pinocchio & Rogue: Rogue sucks the life out of everyone she touches. He's made out of wood. What's the worst she could do to him?

    Rogue is also used to liars after her relationship with Gambit.

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