Alex Rodriguez Deserves Lifetime Ban

As I pulled up ESPN on my laptop after work and saw a picture of an awkwardly smiling A Rod sitting next to an uncomfortable White Sox employee driving a golf cart down a U.S. Cellular locker room path, I got so mad I wanted to spit.

He was suspended for 211 games, spanning the rest of the 2013 season and the entire 2014 season, yet he was in the line-up for Monday night's game.

Here's a guy with career earnings north of 353 million dollars  and 647 career home runs.  A guy who has dated Madonna, Cameron Diaz, and probably Ke$ha.  A guy who has endorsed Rawlings and Nike.

If I was a twelve year old kid playing Little League at Oriole Park on Chicago's Northwest Side (like I did), instead of a thirty four year old 16 in softball shortstop stud for the Softball Furies (like I am), ARod would have been one of my hero's.

Growing up one of my favorite Cubs was Sha-won Dunston.  I thought Ozzie Smith was amazing. Loved Ozzie Guillen, had his rookie card, because  when you played shortstop in Little League, it meant you were good, and if you were good, you were cool.  My twelve year old self would have thought A Rod was cool.

I'm just lucky that my thirty-four year old self has matured (slightly) beyond my twelve year old self.

Just barely.

Ask my friends.

Or any of my ex-girlfriends.

I have barely matured past my twelve year old self.

Barely.

Alas, I think that A Rod should be gone.

For life.

If I was twelve, I would have loved ARod.  I would have drank the ARod kool-aid.  Every twelve year old baseball player idolizes his favorite professional ball player.  They wear the t-shirts, the jerseys, the cleats, they have the poster on their wall.  I don't know if kids still dig baseball cards, but if they do, they own every baseball card.

I'm not twelve, and that's why I think that A-Roid should be booted for life.  He has defrauded every child who looked up to him, every fan who bought his jersey, every woman who swooned over his good looks.

He's a liar, a cheat, a fraud.

Judge Kennisaw Mountain Landis, responsible for banning for life all of the players that were involved in the 1919 Black Sox Scandal said this about his decision:

"Regardless of the verdict of juries, no player who throws a ball game, no player who undertakes or promises to throw a ball game, no player who sits in confidence with a bunch of crooked ballplayers and gamblers, where the ways and means of throwing a game are discussed and does not promptly tell his club about it, will ever play professional baseball"

In my mind ARod is just as responsible for throwing games as any "crooked ballplayer and gambler."

And thats why, in my mind, he's got to go.

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  • Arod has a very small penis due to his years of steroid drug abuse. I wonder if 300 million dollars compensates for a really small penis due to steroid drug abuse. I'm afraid it might, but the point is that his penis is probably really really small. He's also a cheater and a liar.

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