Kanye and Kim have had a beautiful baby North West... North West of what? I am not sure, but that is the name that they chose so their child can be mocked forever when she enters Rich Kid Prep, with all the other oddly named children. This lovely addition to the world, has me reminiscing on the man ruggers I have met or hear about over the year. I reached out to our rugby community and friends I have met across the year to get their favorite worst rugby nick names. I can only imagine the nicknames that these uniquely names baby starlets will receive if these are the ones we come up with for our friends. Rugby nicknames can have use feeling just as confused as these kids will be when they realize what their parents did.
Tu Morrow... that's a time not a person. Just like Fishbait, is a thing not a person, but after a bad decision you get that nickname at the magical weekend that is Whorefest.
Gwen Stefani's child Zuma Nesta Rock, you know like that bad gastrointestinal condition, that could probably get from eating a birds nest. Ralph, which sounds like a normal name in tis case is a nickname you get when you puke in a sink at your first party. Pukey is another lovely name that makes us a little sick to our stomach. There's also MR which can be confused by a north east accent and people hear "Amore" and then others think it's the medical term.
Pilot Inspektor... first of all your starting off teaching your kid proper spelling is not important , Mr. Jason Lee. Are you going to have your kid wear a bomber pilot jacket and aviators always? How about "Snotbubbler" for a better name. One rugby coach earned that name when he Eagle winger Willie Jefferson really hard and as he had a cold, a green snot slime covered his shoulder in the game. A Pilot Inspector isn't even a real job, but a snotbubbler on your shoulder is a story that will last a life time.
Bogart Che Peyote. Surprisingly NOT a rugby nick name. Just a celebrity that really wanted their kid named after a crazy drug weekend in Vegas apparently. Reality Star David "Puck" Rainey figured this would be a great name for a kid. Much like parents who name their kid Tequila or Alize, to always remember what they were drinking during conception. A recent rookie that I met has the name 'Cake' because cake UV is what he likes to drink straight, or Crack Monkey who is as much of a barrel of fun as the name suggests.
Audio Science. Seriously, Audio Science is what Shannyn Sossamon named her son. If you're into the EDM scene, it'll be a cool DJ name some day so I'm not even going to full hate on this name cus one day it might be the coolest name in school. There are some people who walk onto the pitch with names that are their real names, but become their nick name with the change of a letter or just the fact that their name is kind of unique already. Janus becomes Anus, Sackmaster stays as it is, Jenna can become Va-Jenna, Smutt fro Sumetta, Nutter as their last name, Courtnay becomes Shortnay and the list goes on.
Jermajesty and names like Prince or Princess, are awesome so you'll know who will be getting DUI's before their 16th birthday and show how spoiled these kids really are. In the rugby world we proudly name people for their personality like Spaz, Crybaby, Barbie, Loud, Worthless, Dipshit...
Other bad celebrity baby names include: Apple, Denim, Diezel, Banjo, Sage Moonblood, Spek, Pirate, Rebel, Scout, Camera, Kyd Satchel, Frank Zappa's kids Dweezil and Moon Unit, Hero, Blue Ivy, Bear Blu, Blanket.
Some of the WORST awesome rugby nicknames, where at least there are a few good stories behind the names include:
A guy who looked like cousin Moes from the office, when this nickname is brought up to him he claims to prefer his previous schools nickname of "chode petter" and he got mad when you called him Moes. Mary Poppins for having what ever anyone needs, and pulling it out of their bag. Stank, she thought when we said rookies don't shower after games, they just come straight to the party, that meant her entire rookie season and went over a week with out showering. Downy, because he's soft like the fabric softner. Homofag, nicest rookie ever but when a vet yelled, "Hey one of you Homofags get me a beer" he quickly turned around a responded...and it stuck. Acorn who was named after the size of his penis after running his Zulu. Quasi - the girl who had the hunchback. Poop, because he left his mark everywhere including on car hoods and the middle of the sidewalk. Queef for her amazing burping abilities.
Some other not so PG nicknames include, There's El Generalissimo, Cooter, Creampie, Cumcatcher, Dick Chomper, T-NUC (read backwards), Rim-Job, Dirty, Hump, Beaver...
What are some of the best nickname you've ran into on the pitch? What are some nickname you would make up for some of these celebrity children? Hope to see some of the above mentioned people this weekend at Fire House Sevens in Lemont on the Blaze Fields, and if you haven't yet, please like my Facebook page or subscribe to my blog to get updates about new posts!