Due to the volcanic, social media activity about the “Alinea Baby,” I thought I’d give some of my tips on how to survive when you’re around a baby in public. As a single guy with no children, I felt I was a perfect authority on how to tell others “how to parent” and since some may see me as a snob “those with nothing more serious to worry about” should be able to relate.
NUMER ONE – If you see a baby crying or ruining YOUR fucking day in PUBLIC, you should look sternly, locking eyes with the offending parent and when they FAIL to get the child to stop crying - casually walk by and mutter something along the lines of “this is bullshit.”
2. Give parenting lessons to the person regardless if they seem to care for your input.
3. Post on social media angrily how this "bio-hazard" has it out for you and your happiness.
4. Take a picture or create a vine and share it with your “followers.”
5. Talk loud enough for ALL to hear how you can’t believe someone would be so inconsiderate.
LAST BUT NOT LEAST
6. CRY LOUDER THAN THE BABY!
I’m sure this will easily resolve any issue you may have with a crying baby/shitty parent in public. Everyone needs to realize YOU are the most important thing regardless of place, time or the other persons situation.
Joe Campagna is the Chicago Food Snob. A former restaurant General Manager, Server and Chef you can find him on twitter @chifoodsnob. You can reach him through email at email@example.com
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