Thanksgiving Day Parade Floats: Seven Examples Why Horror Fans Aren't Hired to Design Them

Thanksgiving Day Parade Floats: Seven Examples Why Horror Fans Aren't Hired to Design Them
Chucky

Let's face it, the diehard horror fan will never, ever get permission to design their own floats for Thanksgiving Day parades – even though the ones we do see are scary enough as it is. Here are some float ideas the city will probably never grant approval for any time soon:

MIDNIGHT MEAT TRAIN - A subway car with one side open to reveal dangling hooks (some attached to various body parts) with bodies strung upside-down, ominously swaying in the breeze as the float slowly creeps its way down the street. Severed hands wave at the crowd.

CHUCKY - Since Child's Play was shot in Chicago, it deems appropriate to float a big, giant Chucky in the sky, knife in hand. Burned Chucky is an option, too.

THANKSKILLING - Probably needs no description. Wise-cracking, vengeful, “Ugly as a Skeksi” killer turkey. Bad films have the best taglines: “Gobble, Gobble, Motherf@#%er!” Curious about what weapons a homicidal turkey would use? Find the list HERE!

CANDYMAN - Since Candyman and Chicago go hand-in-hook, this one's a no-brainer. Imagine how cool it would look if there were small, bee-shaped balloons floating around his mouth! Dreamy...

HANCOCK TOWER/POLTERGEIST III - The majority of the film POLTERGEIST III took place within the John Hancock Center. Why not have a float of the looming, landmark building with ghosts and goo swirling around it, possibly with the addition of a mysterious puddle at the bottom that seems to lead to nowhere.

GIANT MICROBE/CONTAGION - Paranoia-inducing, deadly viral outbreak flick Contagion lists several filming locations within Illinois. The float's message warns that airborne viruses are no joke. These are microscopic, yet larger than life killers. However, Infectious Disease floats are probably last on the approval list.

KITTY ZOMBIE - Last but not least, Chicago's favorite neighborhood zombie, Kitty Zombie. Kitty has become a familiar face around the Midwest and beyond, bringing delight to all and never failing to turn a sad child's face into a shining smile. Kitty Zombie is your friend.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Edit: I should clarify that these are float ideas I personally wish to see in a parade! I really do.

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    Kristin Wicks

    Horror movie fanatic. Sculptor of oddities. Owner of Chicago Creepster Yahoo!, festival volunteer, writer, artist, social media freelance. Officially a biomechanical Frankenlady. Doing what I can to support our spooky community.

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