I wish I can see Santa's bad list for Chicago, especially the attractive women on the list between the ages of 18 to 45 who have been very bad this year.
I wish hipsters in Wicker Park who refuse to wear heavy winter coats because it makes them look less hipster catch pneumonia.
I wish hipsters in Wicker Park who catch pneumonia get well soon.
I wish atheists who get upset when I say, "Merry Christmas!" should be thankful I didn’t say, "Get away from me, douchebag!" instead.
I wish a "Happy December" to any atheist I may have just offended.
I wish cabbies get their $75 vomit clean-up tax passed because sometimes we Chicagoans can be alcoholic degenerates or just Cubs fans.
I wish Occupy Chicago protesters realize that Santa will work more hours in one night than they have in one year.
I wish more football players acted like Tim Tebow.
I wish more drug dealers acted like Sam Hurd.
I wish I can have a foursome with three beautiful models who can't speak any English (this isn't really a holiday wish, more like a year-long wish).
I wish all the attractive MILFs in Chicago keep doing what their doing.
I wish people who live in Hyde Park realize that just because you live in Hyde Park doesn't mean you live "next to" Obama.
I wish people who go to ugly-sweater parties in Lincoln Park or Wrigleyville realize those parties are the best places to catch herpes.
I wish turtleneck sweaters can eventually become as much of an aphrodisiac as money, chocolate, or chloroform.
I wish there would be less violence in Chicago.
I wish poor kids in Chicago get a REAL chance.
I wish every child in Chicago sleeps under a warm roof this winter.
I wish no child in Chicago goes to bed hungry.
I wish no child in Chicago suffers from abuse.
I wish every child in Chicago gets a gift this holiday.
I wish more people volunteer in Chicago.
I wish those with disabilities in Chicago can be afforded a greater sense of dignity and respect from the public.
I wish people living in nursing homes in Chicago get a visit from a family member or from a person who cares for them.
I wish people who have to spend the holidays in a Chicago hospital feel the same joy and happiness they would otherwise feel at home.
I wish every Chicagoan who has lost a loved one this past year finds peace and strength to move forward.
I wish every Chicagoan gives thanks for what they have and realize all the things they can give back.
I wish more Chicagoans understand that despite how much money they earn or what kind of car they drive, without health and love they have nothing.
I wish we all realize that no matter how much we plan our lives, chance or God will have the biggest say.
I wish these wishes come true (especially the foursome one).
Seasons Greetings from gwill