My Chicago Holiday Wishes

I wish I can see Santa's bad list for Chicago, especially the attractive women on the list between the ages of 18 to 45 who have been very bad this year.

I wish hipsters in Wicker Park who refuse to wear heavy winter coats because it makes them look less hipster catch pneumonia.

I wish hipsters in Wicker Park who catch pneumonia get well soon.

I wish atheists who get upset when I say, "Merry Christmas!" should be thankful I didn’t say, "Get away from me, douchebag!" instead.

I wish a "Happy December" to any atheist I may have just offended.

I wish cabbies get their $75 vomit clean-up tax passed because sometimes we Chicagoans can be alcoholic degenerates or just Cubs fans.

I wish Occupy Chicago protesters realize that Santa will work more hours in one night than they have in one year.

I wish more football players acted like Tim Tebow.

I wish more drug dealers acted like Sam Hurd.

I wish I can have a foursome with three beautiful models who can't speak any English (this isn't really a holiday wish, more like a year-long wish).

I wish all the attractive MILFs in Chicago keep doing what their doing.

I wish people who live in Hyde Park realize that just because you live in Hyde Park doesn't mean you live "next to" Obama.

I wish people who go to ugly-sweater parties in Lincoln Park or Wrigleyville realize those parties are the best places to catch herpes.

I wish turtleneck sweaters can eventually become as much of an aphrodisiac as money, chocolate, or chloroform.

I wish there would be less violence in Chicago.

I wish poor kids in Chicago get a REAL chance.

I wish every child in Chicago sleeps under a warm roof this winter.

I wish no child in Chicago goes to bed hungry.

I wish no child in Chicago suffers from abuse.

I wish every child in Chicago gets a gift this holiday.

I wish more people volunteer in Chicago.

I wish those with disabilities in Chicago can be afforded a greater sense of dignity and respect from the public.

I wish people living in nursing homes in Chicago get a visit from a family member or from a person who cares for them.

I wish people who have to spend the holidays in a Chicago hospital feel the same joy and happiness they would otherwise feel at home.

I wish every Chicagoan who has lost a loved one this past year finds peace and strength to move forward.

I wish every Chicagoan gives thanks for what they have and realize all the things they can give back.

I wish more Chicagoans understand that despite how much money they earn or what kind of car they drive, without health and love they have nothing.

I wish we all realize that no matter how much we plan our lives, chance or God will have the biggest say.

I wish these wishes come true (especially the foursome one).



Seasons Greetings from gwill


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  • I'd wish upon a star -- if only I could actually SEE one in Chicago's night sky.

  • In reply to Richard Davis:

    your avatar pic is the background on my laptop

  • Enjoyed, good read!

  • In reply to Teppi Jacobsen:

    thanks teppi. i'll just assume the last half of the list was the "good read" part.

  • Wow, quite a diverse list! Thanks for sharing.

  • In reply to annekip63:

    I usually don't do lists. I like to leave list-making to the experts at "Lists That Actually Matter." But I'm probably better looking than those guys anyway.

  • This was golden. I love reading stuff that always passes by in my head.

  • In reply to Peter Skiadopoulos:

    You look like my ex-girlfriend's new boyfriend...I f'n hate you.

    Oh, Happy Holidays!

  • There HAS to be a way to combine all these into one life-altering hour. You and 3 Cougs could volunteer, visit relatives in nursing homes, give blankets to the underprivileged, revere the disabled, puke in a cab and give $75, feed the hungry, divinely sell drugs while wearing a Tebow/Hurd hybrid jersey, then go to a sweater part and give/get the herp.

    Maybe you could rent a party trolley, sell tickets and make it a group thing. I'd buy one- or do they come only in groups of four?

  • In reply to TRSlyder:

    TR, that is a noble goal combine every wish into one hour. I will need Red Bull and cocaine to get everything accomplished in time. Seasons Greetings to you good sir!

  • In reply to gwill:

    TR just wants to be your wingman.

  • In reply to Andy Frye:

    Who wouldn't?

  • Gwill, you're a . . . softie?

  • I'm complicated.

  • In reply to gwill:

    Like an onion! /Shrek reference

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