NCAA Tournament: Sex and Statistics
I’m picking chalk for my Final Four except for one non-#1 seed: Ohio State. Looking over the odds at two sport futures sites, Vegas Insider and Bovada, the first thing that pops out are the odds on Ohio State of not only winning the East Region, but winning the whole Tournament. Betting lines and futures... Read more »
Riot Gear for Police Horses May Bring Surprises
According to a post from the Chicago Sun Times, our city police horses from the Mounted Unit will get their very own “riot gear” in preparation for the NATO summit in May. The riot gear will be custom made and it’s unclear exactly how the horses will appear with full gear. The city is currently... Read more »
Jeremy Lin is a Better Role Model than Derrick Rose and It's Not Even Close
The difference between Jeremy Lin and Derrick Rose, in regards to being a role model, is the difference between what is expected and what is exceptional in terms of what people presume from an individual. Derrick Rose is humble, has never been arrested, does charity work, cares for his teammates, and works hard on the... Read more »
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Microsoft’s "Avoid Ghetto" App: Thirty Years Too Late For The Griswolds
Earlier this month, Microsoft secured a patent for an app with a GPS feature that allows users to avoid high-crime areas. Microsoft calls the app, “Pedestrian Route Production.” Incredibly, someone at Microsoft actually got paid for coming up with the term “Pedestrian Route Production” to describe an app. Just this week, CBS News Seattle wrote... Read more »
Why Your Republican Friends Should Support Gay Marriage
Since we love to label people, before I get into this any further, a reader of this post may confuse me for a left wing nutjob or liberal hippie. Nothing can be further from the truth. I have a mostly neoconservative worldview and strongly support spreading our country’s influence and values around the world, by... Read more »
My Chicago Holiday Wishes
I wish I can see Santa’s bad list for Chicago, especially the attractive women on the list between the ages of 18 to 45 who have been very bad this year. I wish hipsters in Wicker Park who refuse to wear heavy winter coats because it makes them look less hipster catch pneumonia. I wish... Read more »
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Who Is Oscar Ortega-Hernandez and Why Did He Allegedly Try To Kill Obama
There are interesting facts surrounding Oscar Ortega-Hernandez and this case. At this point in time, we are left with more questions than answers. Ortega-Hernandez was born on October 2, 1990. Nothing exceedingly interesting here, just added it since it’s the same month I was born. He is from Idaho Falls, Idaho. His family reported him... Read more »
Strong Independent Chicago Women Don't Get Laid
According to a recent article in the Chicago Sun-Times citing a controversial Johns Hopkins University study, women who are more independent and dominant get less sex. This makes sense to a certain degree I suppose. I’m not usually attracted to dominant women unless she has magnificent breasts and is flexible like an Olympic gymnast. Still... Read more »
By Showing Ferris Bueller’s Day Off in Wrigley Field, Groupon Bastardizes Both
Like a delirious and psychopathic slore wearing the blue garments of the Virgin Mary, Groupon has firmly cemented itself as the muddy fountainhead of categorical perversion in our city. In its unholy, maniacal, and near-pornographic quest to position itself as a faux Chicago icon, Groupon has purposely infected two beloved and well-established city icons in... Read more »
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A 9/11 Story: Fate and Chance
That morning, after I turned on the TV and saw both towers burning, I called Melissa, my close friend studying at NYU. No answer. After the first tower fell, I called again. No answer. After the second tower fell, I called for the third time. No answer. Later that evening, I received a call from... Read more »
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