Yes, he's old. Yes, he's past his prime. No, he can't run, and yes he can be exposed on defense.
Oh yeah, and he also provides you with perhaps the most diverse second look to this offense you can possibly get and helps you considerably against the two teams you're chasing the most in the East.
By my count, the Bulls are probably the third best team in the East behind the Heat and the Magic. Shaq helps you greatly against both.
Against Miami, they won't have anyone remotely capable of dealing with Shaq on the roster. In short spurts you can go to Shaq over and over and crush them inside completely overpowering them.
Against Orlando, Shaq can make Howard work and play physical with him and force him around a bit. He doesn't have the gas to play Howard all night, but when Noah's got five fouls, Shaq has a chance to play him straight up for 15-20 minutes a night without requiring an instant double team or hard foul on Howard.
Those two reasons alone are enough to get Shaq. I don't know if he'd come here, but he presumably isn't want in Orlando or LA. If he doesn't want to go to Miami then Chicago is as good as any remaining team in terms of championship hopes.
We also have room to offer him more than the MLE, which I'm sure the BigCashStation would appreciate.
Now, I know what you're thinking, Shaq will slow down Derrick Rose, but here's the beauty of my plan. Shaq plays every minute where Rose is out, and then maybe 8-10 more while Rose is in. The theory here is that Shaq can become your shot creating focal point while Rose sits, and so you have minimal overlap of him slowing down the game while Rose plays.
This provides a dangerous second look for opponents to game plan for. Shaq + Noah + 3 shooters on the outside, so your PGs only responsibility is to dump the ball into Shaq and let him go to work. The shooters leave the floor spaced, and Noah is there for weak side rebounding.
Shaq may not be an offensive focal point for a game, but he can be for small spurts, and the Bulls have no one who's an excellent offensive creator outside of Rose, so Shaq would take on that role.
Moreover, it also forces teams to defend entirely different styles of play as the game goes on. You've got your dump it in style as well as the fast break and pick and roll actions run when Derrick has the ball.
The move provides diversity in style, and specific matchup advantages we won't have otherwise against our two biggest foes this year.
It's also not going to happen, but it should.