Posts in category "Satire"

How to Piss Off Donald Trump

How to Piss Off Donald Trump
Donald Trump was outraged one morning to find that someone had written in pee, “Trump Sucks” in the snow in the Rose Garden. After a full day of investigation, the FBI came to Trump and told them they knew whose pee spelled out that message. They said it was Vice President Mike Pence’s pee. Trump... Read more »

Hugest Crowd in History Attends National Christmas Tree Lighting Ceremony

Hugest Crowd in History Attends National Christmas Tree Lighting Ceremony
The largest crowd ever seen on Earth attended the National Christmas Tree lighting ceremony yesterday in Washington, DC.  It was absolutely bigly. If the size of the crowd in the featured image (above) is obscured by rows and rows and rows of empty seats, you will need to squint to block those out. You can... Read more »

What is it About Hookers that Makes Them Think They're Lawyers?

What is it About Hookers that Makes Them Think They're Lawyers?
Back in 2015 I become a partner in a building in Zion, Illinois.  Our first vacancy came a year later, when a long time tenant moved to Kenosha. She had always paid her rent on time and we were sorry to lose her. My partner, Jerry showed the apartment while I was away and gave... Read more »
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U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services Announces New Prerequisites for Appicants

U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services Announces New Prerequisites for Appicants
U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services has announced new guidelines for anyone applying for the citizenship test.  Prior to the administration of the test, each applicant will be required to produce proof of having six of the following ten items: 1.  Flannel shirt 2.  Pickup truck 3.  “Duck Dynasty” t-shirt or hat 4.  “Make America Great... Read more »

August Blogapalooz Offers So Many Choices, So Little Time

August Blogapalooz Offers So Many Choices, So Little Time
The last Wednesday of each month is reserved for “Blogapalooz Hour.”  At 9:00 PM on that day a topic is emailed to all ChicagoNow bloggers and we are challenged to post a relevant blog in one hour. Today, we have an extra 4-1/2 hours to construct our response and we can choose a topic from... Read more »

Donald Trump's Letter of Intent to Melania

Donald Trump's Letter of Intent to Melania
One can only speculate about the state of Donald Trump’s marriage, but if Melania ever kicked his bloated ass out, he would probably write her a letter and have Sean Spicer read it aloud in a press briefing.  Following is that letter, as I imagine it: From the Orifice of the President   Dear my... Read more »
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A Jewish Perspective of the Human Condition

A Jewish Perspective of the Human Condition
This is an old and a-bit-too-long joke that subtly highlights qualities that have enabled Jews to survive into the 21st Century: Wisdom, wit, patience and a finely honed sense of irony. Abe and Sarah had been married for 40 years, but Abe’s tepid performance in the boudoir had been putting Sarah’s boots to sleep. After... Read more »

Climate change deniers have earned their rightful place in history

Climate change deniers have earned their rightful place in history
August 2016 tied the record previously held by July 2016 as the hottest month ever recorded.  Usually, July is the hottest month of any year. 2016 will very likely be the hottest year since they first began keeping those records 137 years ago. Nonetheless, come November and December, here in the Northern Hemisphere it will... Read more »

Have it your way: Blogapalooz-Hour XXXIV

Have it your way: Blogapalooz-Hour XXXIV
It’s the last Wednesday of the month and this is Blogapalooz Hour, right in the middle of the Democratic National Convention. I’ve been watching presidential nominating conventions for a long time, but this is different.  We just nominated a woman to be the Democratic candidate for President of the United States.  This is really something.... Read more »
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Donald Trump, alphabetically speaking

Donald Trump, alphabetically speaking
This is just a little word play.  Following the GOP presumptive nominee’s lead, I tried to think of disparaging descriptives like, “lying Ted,” “little Marco” and “crooked Hillary.” My goal was to come up with 3 words for each letter of the alphabet which might apply to Don the Con.  It’s meant to be funny,... Read more »