Category: Satire

Death and boozama in the South Pacific

Death and boozama in the South Pacific
Warning: This is a very old joke Derek and Phil were long time sailing buddies, three years into an around the world adventure. Somewhere in the South Pacific a terrible storm destroyed their boat and set them adrift 100 yards offshore of an uncharted island inhabited by a strange group of natives. Derek and Phil... Read more »

You can leave a mess on your table and walk away guilt free

You can leave a mess on your table and walk away guilt free
Busing tables is not one of the pressing issues of the 21st Century.  It should not appear on the same page or even in the same book with climate change. It is, however, a timely distraction from events that are becoming all too distracting. We’re mostly talking about chain restaurants and “luxury” fast food joints... Read more »

In what fantasy does Andrew Lelling think that fairness has a place in America?

In what fantasy does Andrew Lelling think that fairness has a place in America?
Every parent has at one time or been forced to deal with a child’s protest of “That’s not fair.”   The go-to response is usually, “Life’s not fair, get over it.” Of all the sayings, cliches and adages we heard from our parents and repeated to our kids, that one rings as true as the Liberty... Read more »
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5 reasons to skip Thanksgiving dinner and 5 reasonable excuses

5 reasons to skip Thanksgiving dinner and 5 reasonable excuses
Parts of this have been reprinted from previous posts.  You can scroll down if you’d like to skip to the advice that will help you survive the inevitable Thanksgiving Battle Royale: Five Reasons to skip Thanksgiving dinner: 1. Get a 70″ TV at Walmart for $100 2. Crazy cousin Eddie got a concealed carry permit... Read more »

There are Ways to Engage Trumpsters Without Coming to Blows

There are Ways to Engage Trumpsters Without Coming to Blows
Before we try to mend fences with those friends and relatives from whom we’ve been estranged these many months, some rules need to be established. These rules are hard, fast and non-negotiable.  Without them, we risk returning to chaos. First and most obvious of all, politics will not be discussed in any way, shape or... Read more »

Brothers and Sisters of the Resistance, Melania Trump is not the Enemy

Brothers and Sisters of the Resistance, Melania Trump is not the Enemy
Melania Trump has drawn the ire of the Liberal universe in a way that is totally disproportionate with anything that you can possibly accuse her of doing. The name calling is shameful and embarrassing. Michelle Obama is one the most beloved first ladies since Jackie Kennedy.  She’s smart, articulate and passionate in her beliefs and... Read more »
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Christmas Magic Through the Eyes of an Atheistic, Natural Born Scrooge

Christmas Magic Through the Eyes of an Atheistic, Natural Born Scrooge
I just watched Miracle on 34th Street (the 1947 original, not the 1994 remake), so you’ve caught me at a vulnerable moment. I’m hesitant to say “vulnerable” because Donald Trump has forbidden any use of that word by the Centers for Disease Control. If you’ve never seen the movie, I recommend the original. Technology may... Read more »

How to Piss Off Donald Trump

How to Piss Off Donald Trump
Donald Trump was outraged one morning to find that someone had written in pee, “Trump Sucks” in the snow in the Rose Garden. After a full day of investigation, the FBI came to Trump and told them they knew whose pee spelled out that message. They said it was Vice President Mike Pence’s pee. Trump... Read more »

Hugest Crowd in History Attends National Christmas Tree Lighting Ceremony

Hugest Crowd in History Attends National Christmas Tree Lighting Ceremony
The largest crowd ever seen on Earth attended the National Christmas Tree lighting ceremony yesterday in Washington, DC.  It was absolutely bigly. If the size of the crowd in the featured image (above) is obscured by rows and rows and rows of empty seats, you will need to squint to block those out. You can... Read more »
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What is it About Hookers that Makes Them Think They're Lawyers?

What is it About Hookers that Makes Them Think They're Lawyers?
Back in 2015 I become a partner in a building in Zion, Illinois.  Our first vacancy came a year later, when a long time tenant moved to Kenosha. She had always paid her rent on time and we were sorry to lose her. My partner, Jerry showed the apartment while I was away and gave... Read more »