Category: Humor

How to Piss Off Donald Trump

How to Piss Off Donald Trump
Donald Trump was outraged one morning to find that someone had written in pee, “Trump Sucks” in the snow in the Rose Garden. After a full day of investigation, the FBI came to Trump and told them they knew whose pee spelled out that message. They said it was Vice President Mike Pence’s pee. Trump... Read more »

Hugest Crowd in History Attends National Christmas Tree Lighting Ceremony

Hugest Crowd in History Attends National Christmas Tree Lighting Ceremony
The largest crowd ever seen on Earth attended the National Christmas Tree lighting ceremony yesterday in Washington, DC.  It was absolutely bigly. If the size of the crowd in the featured image (above) is obscured by rows and rows and rows of empty seats, you will need to squint to block those out. You can... Read more »

U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services Announces New Prerequisites for Appicants

U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services Announces New Prerequisites for Appicants
U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services has announced new guidelines for anyone applying for the citizenship test.  Prior to the administration of the test, each applicant will be required to produce proof of having six of the following ten items: 1.  Flannel shirt 2.  Pickup truck 3.  “Duck Dynasty” t-shirt or hat 4.  “Make America Great... Read more »
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Donald Trump's Letter of Intent to Melania

Donald Trump's Letter of Intent to Melania
One can only speculate about the state of Donald Trump’s marriage, but if Melania ever kicked his bloated ass out, he would probably write her a letter and have Sean Spicer read it aloud in a press briefing.  Following is that letter, as I imagine it: From the Orifice of the President   Dear my... Read more »

A Jewish Perspective of the Human Condition

A Jewish Perspective of the Human Condition
This is an old and a-bit-too-long joke that subtly highlights qualities that have enabled Jews to survive into the 21st Century: Wisdom, wit, patience and a finely honed sense of irony. Abe and Sarah had been married for 40 years, but Abe’s tepid performance in the boudoir had been putting Sarah’s boots to sleep. After... Read more »

My wife wants me to get a new motorcycle, but I just can't get myself to do it

My wife wants me to get a new motorcycle, but I just can't get myself to do it
My riding buddies all agree that I’m in the enviable position of having a wife who wants me buy a new motorcycle.  The weird thing is that I just can’t bring myself to do it. I could say that it’s not about the money, but we all know that when anyone says it’s not about... Read more »
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Have it your way: Blogapalooz-Hour XXXIV

Have it your way: Blogapalooz-Hour XXXIV
It’s the last Wednesday of the month and this is Blogapalooz Hour, right in the middle of the Democratic National Convention. I’ve been watching presidential nominating conventions for a long time, but this is different.  We just nominated a woman to be the Democratic candidate for President of the United States.  This is really something.... Read more »

Donald Trump, alphabetically speaking

Donald Trump, alphabetically speaking
This is just a little word play.  Following the GOP presumptive nominee’s lead, I tried to think of disparaging descriptives like, “lying Ted,” “little Marco” and “crooked Hillary.” My goal was to come up with 3 words for each letter of the alphabet which might apply to Don the Con.  It’s meant to be funny,... Read more »

Donald Trump challenges Bill Clinton to the cage match of the century

Donald Trump challenges Bill Clinton to the cage match of the century
Donald Trump has challenged Bill Clinton to an old fashioned cage match, much like the “Two-men-enter-one-man-leaves” thing from Mad Max. Let’s look at the tale of the tape.  Both men are 6 feet 2 inches tall, which is a little spooky all by itself.  They’re also both 69 years old.  What are the chances? Donnie... Read more »
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You can check out any time you want, but you can never leave (The Eagles)

You can check out any time you want, but you can never leave (The Eagles)
It’s 9:00 PM on the last Wednesday of the month and, right on schedule ChicagoNow bloggers, including myself received the following email from the big kahuna: Hey all, Welcome to ChicagoNow’s Blogapalooz-Hour! Your challenge, if you choose to accept it, is to publish a post in one hour. Here is tonight’s challenge: “Write about a... Read more »