New toys, same old Bears

New toys, same old Bears
Nuccio DiNuzzo, Chicago Tribune

The Bears’ offense reminds me of that old, beat up hot rod sitting idle in your neighbor’s driveway. It needs some serious work, sure, but if someone put the time and effort into it, it could be pearl. Instead, your neighbor got impatient and had it painted before doing any of the real work. It looks fine on the surface, but you know what’s underneath.

Heck, maybe he even threw some headers on there for performance, but he forgot to upgrade the fuel system in return. The hot rod gets him from point A to point B—if he takes the back roads—but the first time he puts that sucker on the highway, something’s gonna blow. You like that old hot rod. You want it to be what it can be, what it should be.

But it just isn’t.

Jay Cutler and company, outside the occasional stretch, tend to do fine on the back roads. They can get the job done, but just barely. So, what’s the difference between these and the Kyle Orton days? Big-name players like Cutler and Marshall, and an up-and-comer in Alshon Jeffery. Those are some top-notch performance parts, so what gives?

Maybe the tires are bald. A supercharger in the hot rod is great, but only if the other engine components are up to the task of letting it do its job. Alright . . . the truth is I’m no gearhead, so I’ll stop this analogy now. But it does have a way of getting the point across. I know I'm the same guy who said "Don't Panic" last week, but things just aren’t firing on all cylinders (pun definitely intended) for the Bears’ offense right now.

(Hey Darren, who ya crappin'?!)

But the fact is that Cutler looks as inaccurate as he’s ever been, the Bears’ running backs still have the injury bug, and Johnny Knox isn’t even on the field and the drops are quickly accumulating. Not to mention the interceptions. What in the world happened to that beautiful, high-flying offense of Week-1? It went out the door with a Dwight Freeney-less Colts team, that’s what happened.

Our expectations were too high after that throttling. I’ve already got that sick-to-my-stomach feeling the Bears always thrust upon me at some point during every season, and they haven’t even played four games. So, is there a solution? Can we just take this team to the mechanic and get a tune-up, or are we in for the colossal disappointment I warned about?

I’m afraid that unless someone can find Doc Brown and that sweet DeLorean DMC-12 and take us back to 1999 so we can snatch Orlando Pace off the Rams offensive line, things might never work right. Oh, there will still be flashes here and there—supercharger, remember?—but the other pieces in place may not be enough to sustain it.

J’Marcus Webb is hands-down the worst left tackle in the history of the National Football League. I’d rather have scab refs calling the game from now until the end of time, than have that bum protecting Jay's blindside another season. I don’t think it inconceivable that Cutler is contemplating retirement at this very moment rather than deciding to line up against DeMarcus Ware on Monday night.

At this point, I’m open to suggestions at who to put at left tackle. If it’s broke . . . FIX IT! How about ANYONE ELSE ON THE ROSTER? Jay is—STILL—running for his life and throwing the most inaccurate passes he’s ever attempted. He has regressed during his time in Chicago, and it appears that he’s maybe regressed after the thumb injury.

Devin Hester dropping easy touchdown passes . . . Marshall dropping passes that turn into interceptions . . . it’s that damned poorly assembled hot rod all over again. The Bears usually figure things out after the bye week, and they might do that again. I just don't see this team winning a Super Bowl any time soon. Not with a flat tire at left tackle.

New toys, same old Bears? Yep.

The offense will putt along, while the defense wins games for them. Same old same old.

But still . . . I’ll give the offense a few more weeks before I press the panic button—because I like the old hot rod, remember—all the while with my finger firmly on the trigger. But let’s take the Super Bowl dream and shelve it until then. Because this team, right now, is a not a contender.


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