I have only one child. He is the light of my life. I would give him the world if I could. He is very special to me. He is my favorite person in the whole world. He is my favorite child.
He is my favorite because he is my only child. We hope there will be at least one more through adoption.
And then they will be equals.
He will no longer be my favorite child. They will be my favorite children.
I will not choose.
Just because one is my blood and the other is not, I will not show favoritism. I will not give one more than the other. I will not make one feel more loved than the other. More special. I will not defy my spouse by choosing a child or a child's side.
I cannot do that.
Because choosing causes irreversible damage. To the other sibling. To the spouse. And mostly to the favorite.
The favorite that knows no other way. No other life than the one raised into. One that teaches you that you are above everyone else. That you always get what you ask for. That one parent has precedence over the other. That you are special.
Because all children are special. All children deserve love. Equal love. Equal respect.
I only have one heart. My heart can only be filled with my favorite things. It cannot be broken into pieces to give a little here and a lot there. It only has room for the big picture.
And what a glorious picture it will be.
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