When The Cost of Day Care Costs Your Child

When The Cost of Day Care Costs Your Child
photo courtesy of jess-baker.com

I am not a stay at home mom. I hate that I have to work a full time job. It upsets me that someone else gets to spend nearly all of my son's awake time playing with him, watching him grow, teaching him.

Teaching him words, how to use his words, how to play nice, manners.


I found out last week that my son is doing two things at day care that his provider finds unacceptable.

1) He doesn't like to be told "no". Hellooooo what 20 month old does????? For that matter, what human being does. Anyway, he's vocal about it. Cries. We are working on it. Every parent works on it. He's a fucking toddler.

But the major concern is:

2) He's pushing other children. Not a push a child down, bowl them over shove. A simple "step out of my way, you're invading my personal space" push.

I witnessed it one day at pick up. I reprimanded him with a "That's not nice. We keep our hands to ourselves".

And he did it again. (Yes, test me you little shit.)

And then his provider asked me point blank what I planned to do about it.

Planned to do about what?

My inner thoughts exploded.

"My kid is in your care 8 hours a day. I see him 2 1/2 hours a day during the week. We have him a total of 48 consecutive hours on the weekends. We have no other children.  How can I fix something I am not a witness to other than what I just saw today? I know this is unacceptable behavior. But this is normal toddler behavior. Behavior, as a professional, you should be accustomed to. This is how they communicate without words. So I ask, what are you going to do about it? What steps are you taking to teach him that this behavior is inappropriate?"

Isn't that what you are here for?

When my son and I left, I had tears in my eyes. I felt defeated, helpless. Like I failed him. Whether intentionally or not, a mom taking too much to heart, she made him sound like a bully, a brat.

A brat.

Not my son.

We are a two income household. It has to be this way. We can't afford for me to stay home.  It's bad enough I beat myself up on a daily basis that I can't be there for him.  I don't need this.

We only have each other. There is no "village" to help raise our son. We don't have family to help with him. Our parents live out of state. Our siblings work. There isn't a back up. We are each others  back up.

We have to rely upon a stranger to help raise our son.

We aren't the only ones. Families just like ours doing what we have to do to survive and provide. Moms feeling like they failed their children. Secretly hoping and praying one day they will be able to stay home.

The cost of day care is insane, outlandish, and quite honestly, bullshit.  We don't have $1000 extra a month to send him to an early learning center. The cost of day care has our hands tied. So, we found an in home day care just under $200 per week. That's great, most of you are saying.

Is it?

Is it the old, "you get what you pay for"?  It shouldn't be that way when it comes to our youth. Whether it be a $1000 day care facility or the nice old lady down the street looking for extra cash, our children should get the same care. To work in conjunction with the parents.  To be taught right from wrong. To be respectful. To not bail on them when the going gets tough.

After all, you are our village.



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