Parenting Fail 101: Baby Book Blow Off

Parenting Fail 101: Baby Book Blow Off

A coworker and I were talking yesterday about our kids. She was telling me about another hilarious antic her 3 year old pulled. I laughed and said, "I can't wait until my son does that shit so I have something to write about." And her response was "Oh, you keep up with his baby book?"

Sister please.

We all say we're going to do it. We list it on our baby registry. Heck, some of us even purchase it ahead of time. We plan to document our little one's first year. Milestones, weights, photos to name a few.

Yes, I'm talking about your child's baby book.

Cue crickets.

Here's a confession.

I SUCK.

First off, who seriously has time for that shit? I certainly don't.

I tried. I really did. I wrote on the first page. His name, time of birth, weight, and length. I even went as far as the second page. The family tree. I admit, I may have got stuck here.

Stuck in an effing tree.

I went out and bought a calender.

With stickers.

Because stickers make everyone happy. Stickers are your friend. Stickers will be good reminders.

Fuck stickers.

Do you know how many milestones these stickers boast?

Crazy, nonsense milestones.

Unless I have this so called calender open in every room of the house, in the car, diaper bag, or tattooed to my damn forehead, I am never going to be able to document this child's every move.

So, after 6 months or so, the calendar disappeared in the junk mail pile.

And so another pile began. Photo books, doctor visit reports, mementos from places we visited. A pile in a plastic bin.

The bin I call the time capsule.

More like the Abyss.

Will I get to it? I certainly hope so.

My mother gave me my baby book when I was 21 years old. She was thorough. My stats, footprints, hospital photo, first lost tooth, a lock of hair from my first hair cut preserved in a plastic baggie, tons of little milestone comments, pics of many "firsts", and letters to me as I grew.

Jesus woman.

I learned a lot about myself and my early childhood from this book. I even refer to it on occasion.

Like a manual.

I need a manual? Will my son need this manual?

Don't people usually fuck this up on their second kid?

Effffff me!!!

I'll get to it. I will.

I mean he's almost two. I should probably work on this, right?

But then again.....I have like 19 years until I have to give him the manual of life.

I got this shit.

So, how's your child's baby book coming along?

Humor me.

 

 

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