The Painful Reality of Secondary Infertility

The Painful Reality of Secondary Infertility

As I sat in the doctors office, the truth finally revealed
itself to me. It's not like I was in denial. I know what's been
going on in my body. But the questionnaire screamed it loud and

You might be infertile.

How many pregnancies have you had? How many live births? How many miscarriages? How long have you been trying to get pregnant?

As I talked to my OB-GYN about my aches and pains, our now 9 month attempt to get pregnant with our second child, and our miscarriage 6 months ago, the words he spoke suddenly haunted me:

Sometimes, having a baby just breaks you.


Our second pregnancy came soon after we started trying. Our miscarriage wasn't a secret but our pregnancy wasn't public knowledge. A few people knew about it. Mostly coworkers. Heck, most of our family will find out just by reading this. We weren't ashamed. It was just something we chose to reveal on a need to know basis. The aches and pains and fertility issues seemed to start the moment I miscarried. Now that we are pursuing answers to our fertility issues, the miscarriage seems relevant.

What is Secondary infertility? It is defined as the ability to produce a normal
healthy first born child  but fails at subsequent attempts at
a healthy pregnancy.

Woman suffering from secondary infertility may have endometriosis, fibroid tumors, low egg reserve, hormonal issues,thyroid issues, or simply an unknown reason, just "broken" to name a few. It is a mystery to the medical community.

I've heard it a million times. "Be thankful you have a son." "At least you were able to have one". "Some people can't have any". "Everything happens for a reason". That's great but it doesn't make my possible infertility any less painful.

I long for my son to know the companionship and love of a sibling. After all, starting a family at 39 years old doesn't exactly leave a lot of time for us with him down the line.

From ultrasounds to blood panels, I've had it all these past few weeks. I'm thankful I decided to reach out as an answer hopefully has been found. We weren't looking to pursue IVF treatment or drastic measures to have another child. We simply wanted to know if the problem was an "easy fix" or  simply the confirmation that it was time to give up and move on.

We aren't giving up just yet.

I sympathize with those who are going through the same thing we are. I feel for those that either cannot have children or have tried and failed multiple times. Whether you are a couple trying to conceive your first child or your third,
infertility is real and it is heart wrenching.

Fingers crossed and baby dust for all!

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