It's not a big secret. I never wanted children. I don't really like children. I don't know if it was all the kids I babysat as a teen or my own siblings and cousins that ruined me. I just don't have the patience for them. The noise. The chaos.
But here I am trying for my second child. What?? Yeah, I know, that's totally screwed up you say. It isn't because those kids aren't my kid.
Don't get me wrong. There are days, many days, I wonder what in the world I was thinking getting pregnant. Somewhere down the line everyone has had that moment. If you say you haven't, you will.
Being a parent is a challenge.
Being a good parent is the biggest challenge I have ever faced.
Some people are just naturally great parents (or they at least appear to be to the untrained eye). I am not. There are days I look up to the sky and smile and say, "I got this shit" and there are other days I feel like a worthless piece of shit.
How is it no matter what I did today, I just couldn't give him the best day ever? Is there something I am missing? I've pulled out all the stops for this child today and the whining and crying continues. What the hell am I doing wrong?
Nothing at all.
Kids are kids. They do this. This is how they communicate. He is a toddler with a limited vocabulary. He can't tell me what to try next. Heck, he probably doesn't even know. But you know what? It's okay.
It's okay to just be okay.
It's okay to just be an okay mom once in a while. Because without okay, where would be the challenge?
The challenge to strive to be better?
Because not every day is a great day.
But if every day is an okay day, I'm okay with that.
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