You Never Know. You never know what is going to happen. We often start our reproductive journey excited, anxious, and thinking everything should be a breeze. After all, we read all of the books. Googled all of the questions. The reality is, we really don't know what will happen or how quickly things can change. For this reason, I am writing today about the Blossom Method's You Never Know campaign.
Because I didn't know.
From the moment my partner and I decided to start a family, everything about the process, was a process. A difficult process at that. When we decided to conceive a child we were both 39 years old. We were excited, anxious to start planning, and hopeful. Hopeful that the pregnancy test in my hand was going to give us the positive result we were seeking. Hopeful that maybe next month would be the month.
Then the next.
And the next.
And the next.
Finally after nearly 7 months of changes in diet, exercise, ovulation prediction kits, negative pregnancy tests, and nearly giving up all together, we finally got that positive.
My pregnancy was pretty uneventful up until the last six weeks. I developed pre-eclampsia and 5 weeks before my due date, my water broke, and our son was born prematurely.
I was in labor for 29 hours. My epidural failed and he was delivered with very little pain relief. His birth was traumatic. We were both bleeding. He was whisked away to the NICU after just a brief moment when our eyes met. And he stayed there for 7 days.
There is no worse feeling than lying in a hospital bed, being sewed up, exhausted, and thinking you failed. I didn't carry him to full term. I couldn't push him into this world on my own. I tried. I really did. But in the end, doctors, nurses, and a vacuum brought him into this world. The feeling of failure continued when my milk didn't come in and I was unable to breastfeed.
I remember that first horrible week. Horrible because I couldn't be with my son like new moms should. Horrible because he stayed in the NICU and I was sent home. Horrible because things were just not going as planned. You know, the birth plan, the perfect labor plan, the dad cuts the umbilical cord plan, mom holds baby as soon as he's born plan, I'm going to breastfeed like a champ plan, and they all go home as a family plan. When it comes to labor and delivery, there are no plans.
I visited him every day from morning until night. And every night we drove home without him, I cried. Finally on Day 7, he was sent home with us. Sadly,the depression continued on. It continued for nearly one year.
The only person who really knew what was going on at home and in my head was my partner. My family knew I was sad. They knew I was having a tough time. But nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors and certainly no one knows just how you really feel.
There was no plan in our birth plan. Everything from start to finish was off course. That's just it, you never know. You Never Know what is going to happen. You can hope for the best. You can pray everything you have planned will fall into place. And when it doesn't and you feel there isn't anyone that understands, The Blossom Method does.
The Blossom Method is a Chicago based therapy practice offering support, community, comfort, and hope to women and couples experiencing issues related to infertility, pregnancy loss, genetic complications, pelvic disorders, NICU preemies, and postpartum depression. The Blossom Method is a supportive and resourceful center for women, couples, and families as they face the many hurdles of the child bearing years and beyond. They provide a unique combination of therapeutic and counseling services, as well as education seminars, social events, and parent to parent support services.
I encourage anyone facing complications, depression, or loss to please reach out to them. I wish I would have found them during our first reproductive journey. I am thankful there is a wonderful support system available now that we have embarked on trying for baby #2.
My participation in The Blossom Method’s You Never Know campaign is voluntary and I have not received any financial compensation. All thoughts and opinions are my own.
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