Dear Ovaries..You Suck!

Dear Ovaries..You Suck!

It's no big secret. We are trying for baby #2. We're not getting any younger and I'm not getting any skinnier so we might as well add some baby weight to it. I mean seriously, I'm all about eating right and exercising but dropping the last of the first kid's doing  just to get knocked up again is effing ridiculous.

Anyway back to we are trying. When we tried for Bubba Joe it took us almost 8 months. Even peeing on sticks, timing cervical mucus (ewe!), eating right, and cutting out caffeine and alcohol didn't move things along. Then one day, we were pregnant.

This go round I swear to God my 40 year old ovaries are screaming "Please get this shit over with! Either get knocked up or call it a day!". I have never been in this much pain. Ovulation pain? Yes, it's real and my little eggs are scraping their little ovarian nails down the tubes of hope like fucking Freddy Krueger. Ouch!!!!

It's amazing how the body can be so sissy sensitive. A human egg is how big??? I'm not laying a chicken egg here. I have menstrual cramps less severe than this.  For shit sake can one thing about getting pregnant/pregnancy be easy?? It's bad enough we have to suffer for 9 months once the seed is planted but during crop season do we need to get all funky too? Can't we just enjoy getting our groove on without having to deal with this???

Is it because we are doing this at 40 years old? Is this my body's way of telling me I'm totally fucked in the head for doing this?

(Cue scary voice) "Get out!"

And like horror films , instead of running for the hills, we run right into the danger zone like stupid teenagers.


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