To The Mom to Be....

To The Mom to Be....

I usually share my adventures about being a single mom with a toddler but I have decided to give all the "moms to be" a dose of reality. This is stuff your friends, family, spouses,and significant others may not tell you. And you need to hear it!

Dear Mom to Be:

First, eating for two does not literally mean eat for two grown adults. It means add additional quality nutrients and calories to your diet for your offspring. You only need to add 300 calories to your diet per day. So, if you are using pregnancy as a reason to pig out, you are the one who will get heavy. The baby will still only be between 6lbs and 9lbs at birth. Losing baby weight is hard enough don't make it worse on yourself by gaining 80 pounds.

Second, labor fucking hurts! Anyone who tells you it isn't that bad is a big liar. It is menstrual cramps times 25. There is pressure and pain and you use every muscle in your body to push that baby out. You push so hard you may even poop on yourself. The only nice thing about labor is once the baby is out, the intense pain stops. I opted for a natural childbirth because I have reactions to pain medications. ( I know...duh? ) I ultimately had an emergency c-section but that is an entirely different story.

This part is for the dad to be or significant other. While the mother of your child is in labor DO NOT ACT LIKE A DOUCHE BAG! If she wants it quiet, make it quiet. If you are hungry and you want to leave and get food and she wants you to stay, than stay. Call someone to get you food. She can't eat. Don't rub it in her face.  Finally, if she wants you to run around that room naked with a firecracker in your ass, do it! She is not going to care about you at all but if you act retarded in anyway, you will pay for it for the rest of your life!

Your body went through a major change growing and giving birth to a baby. Do not expect to walk out of the hospital wearing your size 6 jeans. Do not expect your abdomen to be spectacular in 6 weeks. It is not realistic. So, do not do anything stupid to hurt yourself.

Once that little baby comes home you will not sleep through the night for a long time. You will be a zombie or have a psychotic break if you don't take naps when the baby takes naps. I am serious. Dishes, laundry, vacuuming, dusting and cleaning the toilet can wait. You are a mom not a superhero.

Your entire world will turn upside down. You will not know all the answers. You will be overwhelmed. You may even be nervous and a little scared. This is normal. Its called motherhood.


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