I'm tired. F-ing tired. Sick and f-ing tired.
I have a 7 month old. I work a full time job. I just got over the flu and I'm battling a head cold. I haven't been able to write a blog post in two weeks. I just want to scream!
I passed out at 8:30 PM last night only to be questioned by Daddy Mayhem this morning if I loved him. Seriously? Dude, I'm tired. My reasoning for lack of communication with you is simple. I'm physically and mentally cooked. Haven't you ever been there? Where there is just nothing left? I'm there, right now.
I love my child. I love my partner. Let me just get that out. They are my world. BUT...this world is out of stinking control right now. Mommy needs a break.
I miss my old life. I do. If I don't admit that out loud, I might go looney tunes. I miss being sick in bed, alone. I miss the silence. I miss the freedom. There are days I simply feel I am not cut out for this. I know, every new mom goes through this. This too shall pass.
Being sick with the flu and still taking care of everything last week sucked balls. The kid, the hubby, the dogs, the sick cat, the house, the laundry, the bills......... I know, welcome to parenthood! I just wanted someone to take care of...wait for it.....ME!
I wish I could sit down and explain this to expectant parents. Especially the 20 somethings. I'm 40 years old. I don't regret waiting to start a family until now. I've done a lot in my life. I've traveled to other countries, lived free, had my own money, time, freedom. They are so young. So many years ahead of them to reproduce. Have fun!! Live life! Stop worrying about getting married and having babies. Just enjoy life.
Parenthood is hard. F-ing hard! Being a team is hard. Trying to love each other through the difficult times is hard. Trying to connect sexually is hard. Making ends meet is hard. Your whole world changes when you become a parent. There is no more me...only we.
You love your children with your whole heart but you can't wait for them to go to bed. It sounds awful but it's true. That time between their bedtime and yours is priceless. It's sacred. It's A-MAZ-ING! Embrace that shit!
My best advice? When a babysitter is offered to you....take them up on it! Get out of the house. You gotta let go sometime. Take time for you and your spouse. Go on a date. Have a drink, let loose. Be human again. It does the body and mind good.
Now, where F is my babysitter???????
Read past posts from our Mayhem Mommies here!
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