The Truth About Cats and Dogs

The Truth About Cats and Dogs

There are two types of people in this world. Cat lovers and dog lovers. You really can't be both. Sure you can like them and even own them both but you can't LOOOOVVVVE them both. You can bet your ass the cat would plot the dog's untimely death should he find out the dog is more loved.

Cats are the most independent and snarky  little bastards on the planet. They flip you off by putting their ass in your face, vomit and piss on your shit, shit on your shit, sleep wherever the hell they want, and they love you only when they feel like it. Did you know that a single bite from a cat's mouth can cause more damage than a dog? Sure dogs can break bones but cats can cause amputations.

From the moment a cat enters your home, you are owned BY the cat. It tells you when to feed it, when to pet it, and what it wants to claim as their own in your house. Having a cat forces you to be up close and personal with it's toilet  habits otherwise, one slip up and the mother fucker is shitting on your floor. It dictates who you date, when you can leave the house, how many friends you have over, and if it wants another cat friend to share you with. Should any of these be determined unworthy of your cat, it will piss on everything in your home. Your belongings are yours no more. The beautiful couch..shredded. Those expensive curtains..shredded. That luxurious carpet...shredded. Yes, all theirs.

Medically cats are very interesting. They have the dirtiest mouths (see above about biting), can live up to 20 years, they are nocturnal, males when not neutered stink to high heaven and have big, jowly faces, and massive bodies and females who are not spayed will go into heat (aka period, Aunt Flow, The Curse) and howl and cry and stick her ass in the face of anyone or anything that will have her. They are known as induced ovulators which means, they must be bred to stop the heat cycle or it continues forever. Could you imagine having your period 24/7, 365 days a year with only a small window of a break in between? No wonder they are shredding your shit.

Although they do show some loyalty and  love towards  their humans, they love themselves more. When they want love and affection, they will seek it. When they don't want to be touched, they will send you packing. Maybe all cats are just woman in little fur bodies.

Now dogs on the other hand, are trusty loyal creatures that have no problem stopping in the middle of a walk, in broad daylight to lick their private parts and then lick you on the mouth. They truly love their humans. They will do anything for your love and even the most abused dogs will still stand by their owner. They are amazing creatures. They are intelligent in their own way but by no means have the advanced intellect of their nemesis the cat. A dog will not purposely destroy your home in hopes you will pay attention to them or prove they are the leader of the pack. A dog who destroys things suffers from a disorder in which he is so distraught that his owner has left him, he will do anything to pacify himself. Hmmm...sounds like a love scorn man on a bender.

Dogs will lay down their lives for you. They will protect you. They will mourn you. They will bring you a dead bunny carcass and drop it at your feet and wait for a Milkbone. They too will take over your couch and your bed but unlike the cat, they do share. They snore, they drool, and they pass gas worse than Grandpa Louie and then look at their ass like, "I didn't do that". They are your forever friend.

I've owned both dogs and cats. Sometimes one more than the other. It's unavoidable being in the veterinary profession and rescue business. However, dogs are by far my favorite of the two. I hope one day I can be half the person my dogs think I am.

 

Want more Mayhem? Follow us on Facebook and Twitter!

 

 

 

 

Leave a comment