Returning to the crossroads of my life to reaffirm the path I've taken

Returning to the crossroads of my life to reaffirm the path I've taken

Now that the mad din of the midterm elections has subsided to a steady drone,
I wonder to myself if all my adamant jawboning about moral imperative and good versus evil has distracted me from looking at my own behavior.

I realize I was spitting angry for months; could barely look at a news program other than MSNBC. I wanted to hear news reporting the humiliation of that repulsive cast of political operatives that belched a political dogma poisoning the very air I breathed.

The problem with being overwhelmed by my anger and frustration was the danger of losing sight of the goal that made life worth living! I needed to go back to the time when after half a lifetime of the heady highs and inevitable desperate lows that ego and ambition perpetuate, I had opened my heart to transformation and a sincere desire to allow love and forgiveness to flow through me.

Once again I wanted to remind myself to experience life fully in the present, as it is. Once again I was tired of lamenting a life limited by always falling short of what it should be.

That’s what I may have lost sight of as I vigorously took sides in the political standoff that has turned our country into a battleground of conflicting ideals. I became my angry feelings, connected with them, owned them, felt them intensely; turned apoplectic when attempt at discussion was twisted into disingenuous, baseless and bigoted rebuttal that abided no disputation traced to fact and reason.

Do note, I’m not apologizing for my angry feelings. Angry feelings are just… feelings. There is no morality inherent in them, only in the behavior that results. My concern is that the goodness, decency and integrity that is essential to who I am may have been at risk.

The danger of becoming resentful, aggrieved and bitter is its lasting effect on how I live going forward. It begets negativity. It re-ignites regret from the past; shame becomes viral, sapping the energy needed for today and tomorrow.

I do not want to lose the impetus sourced from the spiritual rebirth that guides me on the journey toward true north. I remind myself of the time when I was at the crossroads of my life; when divorce and estrangement and painful rifts in friendships and career forced me to see clearly the difference between “advertised” intentions and true intentions.

I remind myself there are problems in my life that cannot be solved, but over time, dissolved.

I remind myself to reaffirm my commitment to expand my energy to all corners of the world (the ocean of love is not limited only to those who voted for a Democratic congress!) I must remember I want to live in a you and me world, not a you or me world.

And finally, I’m reminded of the corny but insightful Richard Bach, author of the cloyingly sentimental and massively popular opus, “Johnathon Livingston Seagull.” For all for the protesters and bloggers railing against the White House, I cite a pertinent quote, “You are never given a wish without also being given the power to make it true. You may have to work for it however.”

As for my impassioned rubric that underscores the mission of my “Cheating Death” blog, I’ll defer again to the theatrical Bach, the reigning guru when I hit the road to redemption, “The test to determine if your mission in life is finished… if you’re alive, it isn’t.”

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