I have my worst nightmare. I gave birth to a child that is just like me. She's stubborn, irresponsible, unappreciative and strong-willed. She's on the verge of leaving the house and tells me that date can't arrive soon enough. We've had quite a few
battles deep discussions lately that we walk away from feeling unsettled. It's not until late in the night that I think about everything I should have said, or wanted to say, but the moment has long since passed. Before she graduates and goes off to new adventures, there are a few things I need her to know:
- Growing up, I always wanted to be the "fun mom." Instead, I chose to be a good mom, and sometimes fun was a by-product, but more often than not in the teenage years, it just made you think I was the mean mom. I'm sorry, but that was the role I needed to take.
- I think about you all the time. When you say I don't care, I only wish you realized how much I think about how you're surviving life. Until you have your own children, you'll never know how much I care.
- When someone hurts you -- you may eventually forgive them, but I never really do.
- I haven't been proud of every one of your moments, but I have ALWAYS been proud of you.
- I'm not your girlfriend, I'm your parent. But my favorite moments are when both our guards are down and we chat like true friends.
- When I think of you, it's not the bad times that come to mind, it's the heartwarming moments that stay with me. I remember being in the city and you grabbing samples from a fair and saving them in all your pockets. When we left, you searched for less fortunate people and placed your treasures next to them quietly. That's the part of you I think about.
- I have your back. Always. Even if I'm angry with you, I will always have your back.
- You will succeed. I know you will. I believe in you.
- Although you take very little of my advice, I support you in your decisions. Even though I know most of them will end in failure. I'll still support you. And will try to limit the number of times I say 'I told you so'.
- There will never be anyone as big of a fan of you as I am. I think you're a rock star.
There are probably a million other things I should say that I haven't told you enough, or take back things that I shouldn't have said. I can only hope that you know I always have you in my heart. Your pain is my pain. Your joy is my joy.
The best times in your life are never behind or ahead of you. They are always right now - thank you for sharing so many of those moments with me. Whether you think so or not, I feel blessed to have you in my life and I love you to the moon and back - no matter how old you get.
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