Does having kids mean you can't have friends?

Does having kids mean you can't have friends?

I ran into a "friend" at the grocery store today and after the obligatory, "How are you's?", she kind of leaned into me close and half whispered, "Ya know, you're losing all your friends because we can never find you."

I have to admit, I have been a little elusive to my friends, but not intentionally.  My kids don't go away to camp.  They don't have somewhere to be all day, every day all summer long.  I'm pretty much it and as I see my oldest getting close to college, I know I only have a few summers left with everyone living at home.  I'm putting all my energy into my kids and maybe by the time they do fly the coop, I'll hopefully still have the energy to invest in deep friendships.

There are plenty of girl-getaway groups on facebook, I see couples taking trips to Napa Valley to consume endless amounts of wine.  So I do know that there are parents that are able to leave their children often and for endless amounts of time, but I just don't seem to have that skill mastered yet.  I believe it's healthy to maintain friendships, go off to exotic lands and  have an identity other than MOM.  But with five kids going in completely different directions all the time, I just don't seem to be able to find the time or resources to do it all.

For the most part, my circle of friends is made up almost completely of my children's friend's parents.  They tend to run on my same cycle and we see each other at drop offs, pick ups and games.  Some of them have become very close friends, but for the most part, we are situational friends only.  I'm not sure we would communicate much beyond the practice field.

I had a very close girlfriend that was my roommate in college.  We would talk daily.  We had a small separation while I was living in California, but when I moved back to Illinois, we found ourselves living two miles away from one another.  She is single without kids.  I bent over backwards trying to fit into her schedule, but it just never seemed to work out.   After meeting a couple of times for dinner, she was always just too busy with work to make time.  We still live two miles away, but don't talk at all.  It saddens me, but I think she just didn't have the patience for my lifestyle and chose to move on.

I have three friends that I ADORE.  However, they are not in my circle of "kid's friend's moms", and I have been trying to purchase Cubs tickets since opening day so we could all go together.  No surprise that getting tickets is very easy right now, but getting a date where we're all free, is pretty much impossible.

Am I doomed to only having deep meaningful friendships when all my kids have left the house?


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