Mom Punishes Daughter on Facebook: Mom misses the memo on how to use Facebook

Mom Punishes Daughter on Facebook:  Mom misses the memo on how to use Facebook

Denise Abbott, a mom of a 13-year-old, decided to punish her daughter on Facebook to teach her a lesson.  She changed her daughter's Facebook profile page showing her daughter with a red "X" across her mouth.  It also has the quote: "I do not know how to keep my mouth shut.  I am no longer allowed on Facebook or my phone.  Please ask why.  My mom says I have to answer everyone that asks."  This was posted on KETK.

When people ask about the post, Denise's daughter Ava needs to write everyone back.  Her e-mail response, "I feel like I deserved it because I was mean to my mom and spoke disrespectful to her in front of my friends. Facebook is a big part of my social life and it's how me and my friends find out what is going on and making plans and about school work and projects. It made me realize that I didn't want my picture on there like that because all of my friends were asking me what happened and what I did. I told the people that asked me and my mom why that I spoke to my mom mean when she was doing nice stuff for me and my friends. I know my mom always makes sure I don't get away with stuff like that and I was sorry. Thank you, Ava"

I find this ridiculous behavior by the parent.  When will parents figure out that going down to your child's level and punishing them in a public way isn't the best avenue for success.  They may value Facebook and their friends, but that's their domain.  That is their world.  Stay out of it and try to figure out a way to parent without public humiliation.  It's a lot more difficult to find an appropriate punishment and actually stick with it, than to act like a child and try to "get back" at them for being mean to you.

Guess what Mrs. Abbott - you signed up to be a parent.  There is no easy 'click of a button' way out of it.

I don't know how everyone else grew up, but in our house, once you left that front door, you had each other's back.  You were a family and you were to support each other no matter what was going on at home.

There are parents today that seemed to have missed the memo on how to use Facebook.  Not too long ago I wrote about a dad who shot his daughter's laptop out of anger.  Facebook is a social media site for people to interact.  NOT a place where you can humiliate your child.

I'll be the first to admit that parenting teens is an incredibly difficult job.  I still don't have all the answers and don't always know the exact way to correct poor behavior, but I do know that I'm not going to act like a teenager when doling out punishments.

The way I see it, Facebook is kind of like alcohol.  We don't let our kids drink it until they're old enough and mature enough to know how to use it.  Maybe we shouldn't let parents use Facebook until they're wise enough and mature enough to know how to use it.

 

 

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  • That is sad. What an extreme punishment for what Ava did!

  • In reply to Holly:

    That's what I think Holly! I don't put up with a lot of disrespect, but honestly, some of this is testing the waters and all part of growing up. The mom should take away Facebook, not use it as a weapon!

  • Wow, you're right, why not just delete her Facebook account if that was the issue?

  • In reply to nabeha:

    Exactly!!!

  • When a parent's discipline methods start being "wacky", she's lost control of the situation, and has truly lost her last marble. So many of these humiliation tactics (sign- wearing, for instance) are going to bring a point home to the child, alright, but not the one this parent is hoping for. When that kid is in trouble, she'll run to Anybody but that freak show parent. What might they do for THAT behavior?? FYI, parent, kids get mouthy and show disrespect. Deal with it when it happens, don't let it fester like a boil until you decide to take revenge on your own child.

  • In reply to irishmary24:

    YES YES YES Irishmary! I'm getting some grief about this post on my FB page. I'm just going to refer them to you :)

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    Where did you earn your PHD in child psychology?

  • In reply to Katherine Thomas:

    Michigan State University

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    In reply to kirby:

    Love it :).

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    Kirby, thanks for your insightful post. Two aspects that are being missed by the news-reading public at large, in the US, GB, and now in Germany where this story is being run.

    It would appear that most who are reading the story aren't really "reading" it and make the knee-jerk assumption that her daughter disrespected her on her FB page. She did not. This was in front of her friends "in the real world" so to speak.

    Secondly but most importantly: She willfully exposed her CHILD to the world, not to mention any predator in her locale who has seen her face and knows where she lives. Parents are supposed to protect their children, not expose them to the dangers of the world. This child is now a target.

    Personally, this was not "discipline" which either should have been meted out on the spot or in the privacy of their home. This was an immature woman, feeling so "slighted" by what a juvenile said, that she chose to post an awful, self-serving picture of her child on FB. I think she was perfectly well-aware how quickly the post would go, "viral". I think she counted on it. This was not discipline - it was PAY BACK. If she had to mete out "pay back" to her own daughter, perhaps parenthood wasn't the best decision she ever made.

  • Honestly this just makes the parent look like a nut case if you ask me. If I were her daughter, I would just feel humiliated by what an immature quack my mom is. Parents these days have gone off the deep end...

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    wow.....when i was growing up, being disrespectful and mouthy to my parents got my ass whupped......when they took prayer out of school, and told us we can't spank our children is when things went downhill.... i think mom was *right on* with her punishment.....nothing will open a childs eyes like public humiliation.....at 13 yrs old, she needs to be a little more responsible/accountable..... she's 13 not 5..... i would do the same thing.....GO MOM!!!!

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    This is happening frequently. Looks like we need legislation to outlaw public humiliation as a form of discipline. If we don't do something now, these people will drive their children crazy then turn them loose on society.

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    In reply to Zari Trhaas:

    Really? Guess if there were an outlaw on public humiliation, courts would have to close their doors to the public, law enforcement would have to ask suspects to voluntarily turn themselves in, the news would have to quit reporting anything that is not entertainment, sports or classified. Public humiliation has been a form of discipline since man has existed. Public hangings, placing people in stocks, stoning, walking arrested suspects down the street with handcuffs on, should I go on? ........while I personally would not use facebook to discipline my children, I am not above taking care of misbehavior on the spot, no matter who is around to view it. If my teenage daughter hasn't learned how to act in public, then she can take whatever punishment I choose to give her in public. And I believe that if she cares about being embarrassed, then she will do nothing to cause herself to be so.

  • In reply to Pari Bell:

    Just because public hangings and stonings took place, doesn't mean they're an effective way to punish. We still have crime.

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    Mandatory parenting classes for everyone who has a child age 3 and under. Need to complete a specified amount of hours at a clinic or hospital. Receive documentation when completed. If parents refuse to attend, they have to let. Children's Welfare authorities visit their homes and observe their parenting.

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    I see absolutely nothing wrong with what the mom did. I mean, in many states, we're now no longer allowed to spank children and now you people want to completely take away parents' rights to discipline their children. I think that, in the age where more and more people are turning to net, what Mrs. Abbott did was very creative and it didn't involve neither yelling nor spanking nor grounding. Everyone's entitled to their opinions on this matter but I think you're all unfairly jumping Mrs. Abbott's case on this

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    In reply to ActionSammy Alpha:

    Actually the child was grounded...from facebook, and her cell phone. As well, every state in the US allows a parent to spank their child. There is no law preventing it. A parent is not allowed to ABUSE their children. I just recently had reason to reference the statutes to discover if that was true. So parents who use the excuse 'it's against the law' need to check two things, their state statutes, and if their school system allows spanking (according their school rule handbook). Chances are most schools still have it as an option whether they enforce it or not. If your school system has the right to paddle your child, so do you.

  • I'm sorry, but I find nothing wrong with this. It's a parent's choice how they discipline their child, and if they deserve a harsh level of punishment, and facebook is their go to site, so be it. When I was younger, if I did wrong, and someone called me to hang out, I had to explain to them what I did wrong and that I wasn't allowed to play. This is just today's version of that. I hate to say it, but today's kids deserve this kind of punishment, they have no comprehension of right or wrong. They think they can get away with murder, and I'm glad some parents are stepping up and punishing their children.

  • Wait, I rescind that, I'm not sorry.

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    I honestly think if my mother did that to me i would want to get away from her and push her away from me because all that the mother did was cause her child to get made fun of in school because of what happened all those kids are going to make fun of her now because of this and i am sure that is not what the mother wants but she needs to think twice before doing what she did ok your teenager disrespected you join the club do you realize how many teenagers do that all that she did is going to cause her child to get angry and probably not turn to her when she is in trouble anymore because she is afraid she is going to get in trouble

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