When I started out this parenting journey 15 years ago, I admit I was an incredible worrier. I thought about every possible scenario and what could go wrong. However, most of the time I tried to keep my worries to myself, and make every attempt not to coddle my kids. Scraped knees and bruised egos are a part of life, and it's better to experience a little bit along the way instead of getting walloped as an adult.
Some parents are so afraid of their child experiencing any discomfort, that they are turning them into needy, whiney, demanding little humans. In the past three weeks I've witnessed ridiculous behavior. When they're so young, I can't blame the child, I blame the parent.
I was watching a 45 minute soccer class. The kids were running, jumping, having a great time. One woman interrupted class 10 minutes into the lesson and said to the coach, "You need to stop class more often, they need water breaks. They'll get dehydrated." The coach let them get some water. Halfway through, the kids started playing a game. Every couple of minutes, that same woman's daughter kept running over to her mom saying, "I need a spray, I need a spray, I need a spray!" I had no idea what she was talking about, but sure enough, the woman pulled out a spray bottle from her bag and started to spray the girl's face with water. After the girl ran off, I heard the mom explain to another that it gets so hot, that kids need to be cooled down with water. We were in a giant, very chilly warehouse.
That same class, a week later, I noticed one boy would take longer water breaks than everyone else. I looked a little more closely, and his dad was feeding him a ham sandwich between the breaks. Remember, this is a 45 minute class for 4 and 5 year olds.
While I was sitting with an acquaintance talking about our children trying out for a group at school, she mentioned that she didn't let her daughter tryout, even though she begged for permission. The reason is, she didn't think her daughter had a good chance of making it, and didn't want her daughter to feel that pain of rejection. Now this one I understand a little bit more, because I've gone through some real heartbreaking losses with my daughters over the year, and the recovery was slow and painful. However, what lesson are we teaching our children if we only guide them to do things that they'll feel success from? They miss so many valuable lessons when they fail. As an adult, without a doubt, there will be failure, how will they know how to turn it around and persevere?
I understand how difficult it is. My oldest is a Sophomore in high school, and I secretly still feel badly that she didn't make student council in 5th grade. My children know pain, and can recognize it in other kids, so because of that, they possess an ability to feel empathy, as well as an understanding of resilience.
One of my daughters came home with the results of a survey in class. The sheet was filled with quotes. When I asked what it was, she explained that the teacher asked them to write sayings their parents use to inspire, or to help them keep going. There were all kinds of amazing things like, 'Be true to yourself'; 'I'll be your cheerleader'; 'Always try your best'; 'I think I can I think I can I think I can'; 'Dreams will come true if you believe in yourself', etc. When I asked her which one she attached to me, she smiled and said, "Right there on the bottom". In bold letters she wrote SUCK IT UP! Hmmm, maybe I do take it a little too far.
Filed under: parenting
