Do you have a favorite?

Do you have a favorite?

As I was driving with one of my children (which is pretty much all the time and also when we have our deepest conversations), we got into a discussion about the black sheep in a family.  It was a term she had never heard before.  After defining, I asked if she thought there was a black sheep in our family?

She immediately said, "yep, me."  I felt bad - although she is the one that's been getting into a particularly excessive amount of trouble lately.  So I had a similar discussion with the other kids and everyone felt like they were probably the black sheep.

I know most people would think that's sad, but all I can think of is... Success!  I'm thrilled no one pointed to one kid, and therefore there isn't a black sheep.  But then when we talked specifically about favorites, they all pointed to my four year old.  He is the youngest by five years, and the only boy, so he's kind of an easy go-to-guy.  He's also not old enough to cause the stress that comes with the other four, so they really don't ever see him in trouble.

Believe it or not, I have been asked before if I have a favorite (kind of a rude question if you ask me).  Of course the immediate answer is NO!  But there are many studies out there that say people almost always have a favorite.  It's human nature.

So I've tried to imagine myself in the situation of having to pick one.  There is absolutely no way I could.  If I was put in a "Sophie's choice" kind of moment, I would just say, "kill me - I would be an emotional wreck for the rest of my life, so would be of no use to anyone anyway"

HOWEVER, I will say I do have different favorite kids for different situations and different days.  It's constantly rotating.  Take shopping.  I have one kid that's great about it and roams a little, but never too far, asks opinions, and basically is very low maintenance.  I have another, that doesn't know it's not that cool to shop with her mom, and stands about two feet away from me, and for the most part just kind of stares at me.  It's so annoying.  I tend not to shop with her very often.  However, when we have sporting road trips, she's a blast and even likes to listen to some of my talk radio stations.

I can't say I feel equally about each kid every day, but overall, I don't find it a struggle at all to not have or show favorites.  There is a blogger that recently admitted that she likes her son more than her daughter and it received national attention.  I think if I ever did have any of those feelings, I wouldn't broach the subject at all.  Ever.  What about you, could you ever admit you had a favorite child?



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  • Much like you on this one. I am fonder of (and nicer to) one kid over another probably on any given day, but love them more...nope. I am sorry, it's hard to be nice to a kid "forgot" to turn in an important essay at school or who lost my favorite coat (at least for a while anyway). Now the one who stuck up for someone who needed it at school, they deserve a little more attention. I'll willingly admit I like to shower kids doing kind/good deeds or who need some extra love with attention and ignore the sassy or trouble-causing ones.

    I appreciate and admire different things about each of them and love them all the same. For example, one kid is very noble, honest, big-hearted, strong, and trustworthy (for the most part) and I love and find extreme comfort in that. Another child is well read, cautious, happy-go-lucky, silly, independent, notices the beauty in things, and is full of surprises (though they are not always good). I wish I had some of those qualities. And, another child is tough enough to stand up to anyone and anything--physically and mentally, takes on the oldest child role even though she is not the oldest, is responsible, and uber hard-working and smart.

    I think if this blogger you speak of really thought about it, she would realize it's not more love she's feeling for her son, just a different kind of admiration and I'm sure she could find some great things she appreciates in her daughter if only she tried.

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