Breaking News! Almost everyone Manny Machado knows has been hired by the White Sox!

Disclaimer:  This article is completely fictitious and simply a manifestation of the frustration of one blogger who thinks Rick Hahn is a blue blood financial analyst disguised as the general manager of the Chicago White Sox.

The White Sox have signed 1B/DH Yonder Alonso, Manny Machado’s brother-in-law.

The White Sox have signed OF Jon Jay, Manny Machado’s good friend and training partner.

NEWS ALERT-NEWS ALERT-NEWS ALERT-NEWS ALERT-NEWS ALERT-NEWS ALERT!!!!!!

The White Sox have signed Manny Machado’s mom as assistant general manager.

The White Sox have signed Manny Machado’s dad to replace Roger Bossard as head groundskeeper. Bossard was notified of his termination via text message by the new assistant general manager. 

The White Sox have signed Manny Machado’s brother to check Yoan Moncada’s bats for holes.

The White Sox have signed Manny Machado’s sister to work in the public relations department.  Her first order of business is to dispel the notion that there is favoritism or nepotism within the organization.

The White Sox have signed Manny Machado’s nephew to be their fifth starter.  He’s in 7thgrade, but his change up is sick.

The White Sox have signed Manny Machado’s niece to sing the National Anthem for every home game and to make homemade style Rice Krispie treats to add to the concession stand menu.

The White Sox have hired Manny Machado’s uncle to drink copious amounts of beer at home games and loudly spout propaganda, like “Man, Tim Anderson is the best defensive shortstop in the majors,” or “Carlos Rodon could end up being better than Chris Sale.”

If the Sox sign Machado, they deserve everything they get.

NEWS ALERT-NEWS ALERT-NEWS ALERT-NEWS ALERT-NEWS ALERT-NEWS ALERT!!!!!!

The White Sox have signed Manny Machado’s best friend from elementary school to run out all the ground balls that Manny doesn’t feel like running out. 

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