Posts in category "Uncategorized"

A dozen kinds of goodbye, and they all make my throat hurt

A dozen kinds of goodbye, and they all make my throat hurt
Apparently Charlie Brown once said, “Goodbyes alway make my throat hurt.” I know what he means. Even though there are lots of kinds of goodbye. Like the one you say to a friend you’ve known for 25 years as you back out of her driveway, knowing that you’ll never see her again because her treatment... Read more »

A million ways to die: being murdered while in treatment for cancer is among the unluckiest

On August 18th, Shannon Vincel was murdered. You can read about the crime here. She had traveled from Springfield, MO, to the Chicago area for cancer treatment. As she was sitting outside, in front of her hotel, she was hit over the head by a stranger and died soon after of blunt force trauma. There... Read more »

For today, Sam Smith, memories of my mother, and putting on makeup are enough to light my way

 For today, Sam Smith, memories of my mother, and putting on makeup are enough to light my way
I’ve been in the shade for the past two weeks. I’ve taken a tumble down a hill into a shallow valley and I’m wandering around the shadows. Nothing big, no drama, just part of the package called “Kerri.” Depression can be a lot of things, but for me right now it’s a feeling that the... Read more »
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Stephen King is helping me read again after cancer

All my life, reading stories has been my refuge. In my loneliest times as a child, a chapter book saw me through. From Encyclopedia Brown to Jane Eyre, all my troubles were left behind once I entered the world of the story. Until cancer. During one of the hardest times of my life, I lost... Read more »

I'm stepping away from Facebook and the news to find a quiet place

I'm stepping away from Facebook and the news to find a quiet place
When I first wake up in the morning, I check the New York Times on my iPad and then I check Facebook. On Friday morning I was near tears by the time I finally, finally stopped rubbernecking, slowing down to read the anger and stupidity and despair that fills our world. Of course, it’s not... Read more »

This is how I know I'm growing: our house is a very, very, very fine house

This is how I know I'm growing: our house is a very, very, very fine house
I went downstairs to the basement last night to work out. As I stepped onto the basement floor I felt the sickening feeling of my foot squishing onto wet carpet. The day before I’d forgotten the sprinkler and left it running for an hour or so. I’m sure that water found its way into a... Read more »
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Radical acceptance in a time of fear

Radical acceptance in a time of fear
A friend on Facebook referred to Hillary Clinton as “Hitlery.” She is a practicing Christian and a smart, loving person. As I scrolled past her post my mind went to home base, the place where I’m most comfortable—my intellect. My first (internal) response was to critique her obvious lack of understanding of Fascism and the... Read more »

Feeding my doctors: why I cook for my caregivers

Feeding my doctors: why I cook for my caregivers
The scariest time of my life was when we discovered that our daughter had to have back surgery to correct scoliosis. She was in surgery for six hours and she spent a day in the ICU. Her doc was a quiet man, not exactly warm, but not cold either. He was patient and low key.... Read more »

Coping with fear since cancer has been my hardest challenge: a few things I’m learning

Coping with fear since cancer has been my hardest challenge: a few things I’m learning
When I was seven years old, I was in the front yard “helping” my parents by sweeping the sidewalks. As I remember it, a car full of boys slowed down and a kid in the front seat rolled down the window to speak to me. I moved closer to the car to hear what he... Read more »
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This is how to make your Monday even more miserable

This is how to make your Monday even more miserable
I’m living the cliché. It’s a perfectly awful Monday morning, and I’m grumpy about it. I got out of bed with plans that have, one by one, been foiled. It’s been an exercise in frustration that I shared with my husband over the phone while he was driving. I was rude and loud. If I’m... Read more »