Letter to myself: The Drama Between My Ideal & Impulsive Self

Dear "Me",

I seem to be having this continuous disagreement with myself and I think it is time we have a chat. I am truly upset that we can't really come to some sort of resolution. I have tried everything and exhausted all my resources, so this is my last Hail Mary to get us moving and grooving.

My ideal self just can't seem to get through to my impulsive self anymore. I can't keep telling people that I am still carrying baby weight. My daughter is 18 months old. I try and try with the best intentions to help myself and support my ideal goals. I am sick and tired of my impulsive self purposely defying me like I am doing this to punish us.

I know that my ideal self nags, nags, nags, but the reality is that I am too impulsive and blame work for my lack of athleticism. I mean, come on, I used to be a runner! Now the only thing that gets us running is when we are late. So after tonight's stunt of ordering fries as an appetizer versus the side salad I am putting my foot down. I won’t be ignored anymore. Here are some examples of how I sabotage myself:

Mornings fights with myself: My vision is to get up at 6 a.m., get organized, have a cup of coffee, get my gym clothes on, drop my daughter off at daycare, hit the gym, and be at work by 9 a.m.

What happens: my kid gets me up (as she is the family alarm clock) between 7:30-8 a.m. I am literally brushing my teeth and drinking coffee at the same time. We rush to daycare and I got my gym clothes on with good intentions, but bypass the gym to get to work.

Afternoon fights with myself: My vision is to stay low carb, no sugar, and to stop snacking.

What happens: I am doing good up until about 4pm when I am tired, working, and I got a few more hours to go. I just can’t resist, I must have it, it is calling my name...I am totally addicted to Gold Fish. I am not kidding, they are my go to as a mom! PATHETIC!

Evening fights with myself: My vision is to cook with my husband and enjoy dinner with him by having intellectual conversations and talking about our life goals.

What happens: Our daughter screams and shouts, we fight to get her to eat (if only I had that problem), then it is all about bath time and bed time. My husband starts dinner and I need to teach online and grade papers. So he kindly offers me a juicy mouthwatering glass of wine. How can I resist, I crumble, but I for sure relax.

So then the same mental disagreement happens all over about my ideal self and impulsive self. To be honest, I am more into my impulsive self, she might be a tiny bit chubby, but damn she is fun!

Until next time...

Kortney Peagram

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