Fourteen months ago, I started writing this blog. I felt incredibly compelled to write, as if I had no choice but to write. I realize now that's because I had lost my voice and needed someplace to express myself.
No, I'm not talking about laryngitis, although that is a frequent partner of mine during cold/flu season.
For many years, I served in the worship ministry at church. After some changes and some shifting of responsibilities, I was no longer singing on the worship team.
Although I was still involved and active in variety of ministries, I desperately missed singing. I'd lost my voice, my means of expression, and suddenly, I had words tumbling out of me.
Poems, stories, funny anecdotes; I had no idea there was so much in me to write about.
The most amazing thing happened. People began to read and like this blog!
God's been slowly and steadily building an audience for me, giving me a "voice" I never knew I had. Thanks for being part of that!
Being able to express myself - having a voice even though not singing - helped me tremendously.
But, I knew something was still missing. Deep down, I knew that I wanted to sing. I knew that I would serve at church where ever I was asked to, but it wasn't an easy thing to do. I wanted to sing.
There were pastoral changes at church, some friends moved away and my heart was hurting, because I knew God was calling me away from my home church and on to another.
As difficult as that was to walk through, God's been blessing me in abundance at my new church home.
All I wanted was to sing, but God had bigger plans. The lead pastor made me a worship leader.
Yesterday was the first time I led worship in my new church home. I felt infilled with the Holy Spirit, and His presence was all around us. He certainly inhabited the praises of His people!
When we were done with the music, we had a "meet and greet" time. One woman, Connie, approached me with tears in her eyes and said, "I don't know who you are, or where you came from, but we've been waiting for you."
Whoa. Talk about humbling. Whoa.
So, how, you ask, does getting my voice back make it harder to write?
I'm not 100% sure, but it feels as though I have "X" amount of creative energy. Whether I use it to write, sing or play the piano, each day, I only have so much. (Either that, or I'm just tired)!
Depending on how I use that creative energy on any given day, depends on whether, or not I have enough "juice" to write.
It's also time consuming. No matter how much I try to pack into a day, I still only get 24 hours and some of that has to be doing the basics like eating, sleeping, restroom breaks, and caring for my family.
Then, there's always that pesky little thing call "employment" I must tend to, as well. (Seriously, though, I'm blessed with a wonderful job, at a fantastic place, and I work with a really great group of people. I couldn't be more blessed).
So, I humbly ask for forgiveness from you my readers - I've noticed the increase of days between posts, and I'm guessing you have, too.
As I find the new creative balance in my life, please be patient with me. I will continue to write, because I've found I love to and that God has created a ministry from this, as well.
Mostly, I hope you understand that I got my voice back, and that makes it harder to write.
Ephesians 3:20-21 (NKJV)
20 Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, 21 to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen.
Colossians 3:16 (CEB)
16 The word of Christ must live in you richly. Teach and warn each other with all wisdom by singing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs. Sing to God with gratitude in your hearts.
How do you express yourself? Where do you find your "voice"? Do you find that it's hard to have more than one "voice"?
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