When did I get OLD? I'm only 45, but I find myself saying things I remember my parents saying when I was a kid. Yesterday, I turned on a baseball game - I think it was a Cubs/Giants game, but I wasn't really paying much attention - and I saw the Giants pitcher up close. I thought, "Oh my word, how young is that kid?" He looked 16, maybe. Even the commentators mentioned how young he looked since he "cut his hair."
Really? Like that's what made this baby athlete look young? I couldn't figure out if he had graduated from high school, or if his voice had changed yet. I also watched some of the World Championship swim meet in Spain. The USA women's team has a gal that really is 16 years old, and she broke the American Record for the 400m freestyle. She could easily be my daughter.
On top of all this, I'm regularly blocking and marking spam emails from AARP. I'm so bummed.
If it wasn't bad enough seeing children playing professional sports, today's revelation made me feel even worse. You see, we have quite the buzz here in southwest suburbia. A movie crew is here to film Jupiter Ascending , and they are hanging out at the local middle school. Apparently, Channing Tatum and Mila Kunis have been hanging around there, too.
See me now shrug my shoulders and look perplexed? My first thought was, "Dang. That school is my bike route, and now they'll all be there. If I go that way, I'll probably get yelled at, or run over by some crazy fan trying to see these people." My next thought was, "Who the blue-blazes are Channing Tatum and Mila Kunis, anyway?" I honestly didn't have a clue.
So, my neighbor and dedicated friend, Lisa, didn't want me to miss out on seeing exactly who Channing Tatum is. She googled him for me and posted the link on my facebook timeline. So, I looked. As I sat here, staring at this fine male specimen God created, an absolutely horrifying thought crossed my mind; good gracious, am I old enough to be his MOTHER?? I was completely creeped out. I quickly clicked off of Google and cringed. I even told my friend "thank you" for my next blog post. So, here I am.
Fortunately, Mr. Tatum is 33 yrs old, married and has a child. That was ALL good news. If you do the math, I could not qualify as "old enough to be your mother." I'd have been 12 years old when he was born. WHEW!!! I was still creeped out. He looks so YOUNG. Which then made me think, when did I get old?
I didn't see this happening. People in their 60's call me a baby. My dad, who turns 80 years old this week, really is old. He has to be - he didn't even know what a blog was until I explained it to him a week ago. Somehow, I've found myself saying to my girls, "You kids don't know how good you have it," and "When I was your age, we had one thing to play with during the summer; it's called "outside."" Seriously, when did this happen? A few weeks ago, I even barked at a neighbor kid playing Kick the Can to get off my front lawn. Oy. It was a sad day. I think I have officially graduated to "middle-aged".
Here's my struggle: I have a complete dissociation between how old I am and how old I perceive myself to be. Isn't this usually a disease men have at 45 years old, perpetrated by testosterone poisoning? I didn't know women could suffer from it, too.
When I was playing volleyball with my oldest's youth group last Wednesday, in my mind's eye, I saw myself as the 18 year old, college intra-mural volleyball player I was in 1986. The reality is that I'm a plump mom that hasn't played volleyball in over 20 years. I had bruises and aches in all sorts of body parts the next day.
When I sing or play the piano on the worship team at church, my mind's eye sees me as the young, hip, totally cool singers and instrumentalists you see on the worship videos. The reality came through LOUD and CLEAR on the Easter video we made. I am not hip, or cool (I never was, so I'm not sure where these thoughts come from), and I'm poochy enough through the middle for people to make the honest mistake of asking me when I'm due.
If that were to happen, I think I'd just say, "No due date. I plan to be pregnant forever - sort of an extended version of Michelle Duggar," and watch them turn pale. Hmmmm....
Worse yet, every day, after my shower I step out in front of a very large mirror, and every day I'm startled by the person looking back at me. Obviously, I know that's me, but my brain seems to have a terrible time accepting that image as reality.
So what do I do with this dissociation? I deal with it. I stay as active as time allows, I enjoy my kids and my hubby, I play video games, I blog and I get addicted to Candy Crush. Sounds like a plan to me.
Isaiah 46:4 (NIV)
4 Even to your old age and gray hairs
I am he, I am he who will sustain you.
I have made you and I will carry you;
I will sustain you and I will rescue you.
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