I'm Cranky and It's Channing Tatum's Fault

This post may be lengthy, because I'm cranky and it's Channing Tatum's fault. In yesterday's post When did I Get OLD?, I talked about feeling old, because I really wasn't sure who Channing Tatum and Mila Kunis are.

That's relevant to me, because their film crew is at my daughter's middle school, and it's two weeks until school starts. Since the stars occassionally make an appearance, there is a growing throng on the property and numerous cars are parked up and down the street in front of the school.

The film crew has completely taken over the main parking lot in front of the main doors, which lead to the main office. Are we seeing the theme here?

Again, I address relevance. The kids aren't attending yet, so why does this matter, right?

My oldest is a new 6th grader. New 6th graders have to have physicals. That paperwork has to be dropped off by the end of this week, or she won't be allowed to attend school.

I've had the paperwork for about two weeks, but I've been busy blogging, so I forgot to make copies and drop it off. Believe, me, you ALWAYS want to make copies of important paperwork before taking it to the school. Remember, you have ONE child's paperwork to manage; they have dozens to manage. Stuff goes missing.

With all the buzz about the happenings at the school, I remembered that I'd forgotten to turn in her stuff, so I decided to go today. Ugh, what a mess.

As I approached the school, the street was lined with cars. Even when school is in, there are NEVER cars parked on the street in front of the school. NEVER. I felt very fortunate to find an open spot between two cars, and GUESS WHAT?  I had to parallel park.

No, you don't understand, this is the suburbs. Our streets are super wide, we have free parking lots everywhere - we don't parallel park!  Fortunately (or unfortunately - however you choose to see it), I used to work in Chicago, so I'm pretty good at that skill.

I brillliantly parked my mid-sized SUV between two vehicles and made it look like I'd done it every day for the last 20 years rather than having done it last 20 years ago. Whew!  I even remembered  the "up, up and away" rules for parking on a hill.

Since I was facing ever-so-slightly downhill, I turned my wheels toward the curb. Scary that I was only one of 2 people that know that rule though. All I could do was pray that everyone else's vehicles stayed put.  I was getting more and more cranky, and it was still Channing Tatum's fault.

I got out of my car, walked over the grassy hill and onto school property. As I approached the main door, two official looking guys were standing at the mains doors telling people they couldn't go in that way, and they'd have to go around the building to the gym entrance.

The gymnasium is all the way on the opposite side of the building from the main office. Really? I started to wonder whose ingenius plan this was.

As I was walking around the building, a lovely group of workers from the school popped their heads out a door much closer than the gymnasium, so I stopped to talk to them. This is when I wished my minimal knowledge of Spanish wasn't so minimal.

Fortunately, a couple of these sweet people spoke English better than I do, and instructed me on how to go the OTHER way around the building to get to the school office.  So, growing more cranky by the moment, I reversed my steps, went around the other side of the building and found my way in. Whew.

I maneuvered my way through the maze of signs, got to the office and dropped off the paperwork. The school staff completely concurred with me on the poor timing of  the hoopla out front. My five seconds of work in the office done, I had to march my way back to the car - through the maze, out the back door, around the building, past the trailers, past the throngs and into the crowded street.

Did I mention it was raining?  Insult to injury, as far as I'm concerned.

As I was driving home, I began to think about all that had just happened. That's when I realized, "I'm cranky and it's all Channing Tatum's fault." I really had that very thought.

He's a hunk, no doubt. I've seen his pictures, I'm a heterosexual female, and I'm not dead. He's very well put together. I know zero about his acting skills, but I'm guessing, after making a film like Magic Mike (I had to look it up, so NO I don't really know this guy), most of the women that were in the throng weren't concerned about his acting skills.

Most of these people, the very large majority of them females, were interested in Channing. I'm guessing some of the group was interested in Mila, but even the woman working at Walgreens told me she was there yesterday and "got a glimpse of him."

Seriously? I TOLD you it's Channing Tatum's fault. It also crossed my mind that I'd heard nothing about this from the school or the district, so I got crankier.

The school district has this over-used, annoying phone system that regularly announces everything from band concerts to fast-food restaurant fundraiser nights.

When I was a 911 dispatcher, we called this Reverse 911, and we had staunch rules about what emergencies made it's use appropriate.

The district and the school seem to have no such rules.  They use this thing ALL...THE...TIME.  So, if you have a child in elementary, middle and high school, in one day, you may get a message from each school AND the district.

Then you get an email for each phone message, and depending on how it's linked, you not only get a message on your landline, but on every cellphone number you've attached to it, too.

Why don't I unsubscribe? Because, God forbid, there ever was a real emergency at school or in the district, I want to be notified. It feels like blackmail to me. We're forced to listen about Culver's nights and 4th grade concerts in order to hear about school closings and police matters.

This whole phone system thing is significant, because I haven't heard a peep. Nothing. Nada. If it weren't for Facebook and my friends being really gaga about this guy, I would never have known. I'd have driven up on the school completely unawares and been even more cranky and frustrated than I am.

WHY? Why is this not important to tell parents about?  People are in our school. I have friends in law enforcement that have practiced scenarios where "legitimate" workers got into the schools under false pretenses, hid weapons throughout the school, then came back later and took everybody hostage.

Oh my word - these thoughts make me nauseous. Even if this scenario, under these circumstances, is totally baseless, couldn't the school or the district at least tell us where to park, how to get into the building and when to expect an end to the chaos?

I promise you 99% of non-band parents don't care about the band concert, parents that are attempting to keep their kid's BMI's under 50% don't care about the fast-food fundraiser nights, and the ESL programs just don't apply.

Let's put that phone system to use in an appropriate way, shall we? If nothing else, let's find a database programmer that can narrow down the target audiences.

As I turned the corner onto my block, I realized that I'd been writing this blog in my head all the way home. I also realized, "I'm cranky and it's Channing Tatum's fault."   Happy Tuesday.


Ephesians 4:26-27 (ESV)

Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity.

Philippians 4:8 (ESV)

8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.


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