Even before the video came out I made a conscious decision that I was not going to watch it. I know what was done to this 17 year old boy. How he was shot 16 times (in the fetal position) by one officer, while other officers looked on. How police reports were falsified, the autopsy contradicted the report, and the security tape that was taken from Burger King by CPD and ended up 'missing'. I know how the city thought they could pay his family off to cover it up and how our Douchelord of a Mayor signed off on the settlement. I know how hurt and angry this makes me and I know that I WILL NOT watch this shit!
I refuse to have yet another part of my humanity and self worth stripped away by watching one of my own executed (again).
I refuse to be subconsciously scared into submission and reminded (once again), that 'Black Lives Do Not Fucking Matter'.
I refuse for my psyche to be made to go generations back when we were forced to watch (just as helplessly) as our masters and overseers beat, brutalized, and killed our people. We may not have been there, but our DNA remembers. That is why it affects us so deeply and that is why we do not respond in kind ( like any other group would). We were conditioned to hang our heads in grief, operate powerlessly, and told to pray about it by the very ones inflicting these atrocities upon us. It is no different today.
I refuse to be a silent witness, feeling helpless and hurt watching these these new age lynchings.
Although the Chicago Police Department did their best to try and sweep this execution under the rug, on a deeper level, there are some people who benefit greatly from that video being watched by people of color. Never forget that there are still individuals who operate with such unfathomable hate towards us. A hate so deep that it too was passed down through the generations, so although we are 'supposed' to be post-racial (HA!), the hatred and racism in this country is actually stronger and more concentrated than ever before. When we watch these video's they serve as a reminder that 'they can do whatever the fuck they want to us, we can't do shit about it, and they know it'. It keeps us afraid, keeps us feeling helpless, and inactive. I am no longer here for that shit. I will let my words cut like daggers and remain fearless no longer allowing that type of fear or those types of reminders into my mind. We already KNOW what they fuck they are doing to us. We've always known. Viral videos of my people being slain by murderous cops with little to no recourse has become the lynching reincarnate of my generation. It is the propagation of domestic terrorism at its finest and I will not be manipulated in that manner anymore.
I will not be reminded to 'be afraid' and feel as though my life is worthless as well. I don't need to have my spirit crushed again. I don't need the residual feelings of helplessness that will infiltrate my desire to keep fighting and speaking out for my people and our plight. I will not let them take that from me this time. So in honor of LaQuan McDonald who was publicly executed, I will not be made to feel powerless by watching and re-living the moments of his death. I will simply use this as fuel to force change.
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