Rebrand the Polar Vortex to the Chicago Vortex; a Doctor Who episode

If the Polar Vortex is going to move into Chicago this winter, long enough to pay property taxes and vote--I want to re-brand it to the Chicago Vortex and copyright it! Then the City of Chicago could charge for the use of the copyrighted word in the news and weather to pay for the snow removal and pot hole repair.  Or maybe the BBC could just shoot an episode of Doctor Who battling another group of evil Snowmen in the City of Chicago?

Full disclosure, I'm not originally from Chicago, but even I knew the winters in Chicago were more challenging than other places I'd lived, like the relatively temperate coast of Connecticut. After all, hadn't I'd seen Gary Tuchman do stand-ups for CNN in the city while he was ass deep in snow? Amazing sight when I was sweating through the days in the tropics during the 1980s.

So when I moved here in the relatively balmy winter of 2003/2004, I toughed it out in my various coats that didn't quite keep me warm, even with yet another layer. Then  I discovered Lands End coats that were rated warm-warmer-warmest. The warmest was rated for minus 40 Fahrenheit. Now I was a happy CTA rider. I also learned how to use scarves and the variety of gloves that would let me stay warm AND use the cell phone to see when the bus was coming. I knew how to dress for the Chicago winter.

But my house hadn't learned. So when the fire/smoke alarm went off at 2:30 AM that Friday, we tore out of bed to find a fountain of water had gone through one floor to the one below--thankfully setting off the alarm. Ten winters hadn't done it, but finally that Polar Vortex subzero temperature (not to mention obscene windchill) froze a pipe that exploded. It was raining in the garage below. Reason number 45 to buy a wet/dry vac.

And though Lands End doesn't sell winter gear for houses, contractors do. Heaters on thermostats to keep pipes in unheated garages safe (I hope). And yes we had insurance, thankfully. But nevertheless, I'm pissed at Mother Nature. First of all, I believe in science so recognize that climate change is real.

I even think I heard the Lincoln Park Zoo in Chicago brought their Polar bear(s) indoors. So move the Polar Vortex back to the polar region. Or have Stephen Moffatt write a Doctor Who storyline about it, one way I'd enjoy it.


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    Candace Drimmer

    I was an accidental expatriate; love and marriage led me to it. One day I was a bandy-legged kid sitting atop my dogwood tree looking out of my small backyard world in 1950s New Jersey, wanting to move somewhere--anywhere, different. Next thing I knew my father had accepted a job in Houston TX. I was ecstatic, it was a foreign land in 1961 America. After high school graduation, my parents’ gave me a matched set of fawn-colored hardsided American Tourister luggage. Taking the hint, I went to college; well four colleges in five years--it was the 60s after all. Meeting a young hirsute anti-war, soon-to-be-Peace Corps volunteer, I fell in love. After finishing up college coursework for my degree, but before I even walking a graduation stage, I grabbed the paper airline ticket my boyfriend had sent me, my brand-new passport, and was off to the airport and Lima, Peru.

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