A Swiftian GOP Proposal

From the perspective of the GOP*, the country is about to fall over a fiscal cliff ! The sky is falling, the sky is falling!

For this reason (and because the press is saying we don't have specifics), the following moderate proposals are put forth:

  • Given the House of Representatives has announced the 2013 money-saving reduced work schedule, the House will be working part-time in 2013. As part-timers we will take a pay-cut, only getting minimum wage--of course, without health benefits or pension plans. Whatever Wal Mart pays, we will accept for ourselves. In addition, given we won't be working very often--we will sublet our offices to favored K-Street lobbyists. This reduction in addition to income maker should improve the bottom line, not to mention make the cross pollination of House and Lobbyists a whole lot easier.
  • To increase the eligibility age for Medicare, would be a serious hardship (not to mention a 65-year-old is statistically healthier than a 75-year old). Therefore, we will instead end Medicare eligibility for seniors when they hit 75-years-old. What money-saving! Though this may cause an increase in senior deaths, it will increase jobs in the USA for funeral directors. That's what we call thinking inside the box, the coffin size casket box that is. After all, what do seniors do for the budget--takers that they are.
  • Because of the increase in deaths, seniors will not receive Social Security as long that will be another cost saving. Savings that will be used to help the Pentagon goose its spy-agency budgets to CIA levels. One can never have too many spy agencies.

*Gotcha Old People Party

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    Candace Drimmer

    I was an accidental expatriate; love and marriage led me to it. One day I was a bandy-legged kid sitting atop my dogwood tree looking out of my small backyard world in 1950s New Jersey, wanting to move somewhere--anywhere, different. Next thing I knew my father had accepted a job in Houston TX. I was ecstatic, it was a foreign land in 1961 America. After high school graduation, my parents’ gave me a matched set of fawn-colored hardsided American Tourister luggage. Taking the hint, I went to college; well four colleges in five years--it was the 60s after all. Meeting a young hirsute anti-war, soon-to-be-Peace Corps volunteer, I fell in love. After finishing up college coursework for my degree, but before I even walking a graduation stage, I grabbed the paper airline ticket my boyfriend had sent me, my brand-new passport, and was off to the airport and Lima, Peru.

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