It's a mystery how bill collectors and telemarketers sleep at night. How can they look into the mirror and feel fulfilled knowing that they piss people off for a living?
"They're just trying to make ends meet and put food on the table..."
Well, I'm just trying to eat my cinnamon crunch bagel without being nagged for the $9.37 I owe At&t because they failed to terminate my account when I asked them to.
There are three ways that most people deal with these phone calls:
1. Force politeness. Inform the telemarketer that you're satisfied with your current cable provider and attempt to end the call as quickly as possible. This never works because they always have yet another GREAT INCENTIVE to throw your way.
"We'll even throw in 6 free months of 24 hour customer service."
Mmm...shouldn't that be standard?
2. Cuss them out. While you scream your lungs out and turn red to the point of having an aneurysm, telemarketer guy is maintaining his calm, collected customer service voice and secretly getting off on the fact that he's gotten such a rise out of you just by calling in the middle of shaving your back.
3. You hang up as soon as your hear the words "...Susan from People's Gas." You may have silenced her for now, but she'll be back....
The real trick in getting these sadists to stop calling you for good is this: Get them to hang up on you.
My boyfriend and I owe $93 to RCN for a cable box that we were never responsible for, because we never signed up for cable in the first place. Every day at 8am and 2pm we receive calls from bill collectors calling on behalf of RCN. The following conversation is between Bill Collector and Boyfriend:
BC: Hi, this is Greg from--
BF: Greg, are you asking about my wiener?
BC: I'm sorry, I--
BF: Greg, you just asked me about my wiener!
BC: *click*
Other successfully documented strategies include...
Screaming as loud as possible into the receiver.
Faking a European accent and insisting they stop harassing you.
Seducing the bill collector with a sultry pay-per-minute phone voice and ask them what they're wearing.
Now who's the one with rising blood pressure?
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