Today's Chicago Woman

Sandra Bullock and the Proposal

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When Jesse James proposed to Sandra Bullock, the last thing she expected was her real life to turn into a movie script!

Sadly, she failed to recognize the "red flags" that were all around her.  His previous divorce would have provided material for many episodes of Jerry Springer, and the ongoing custody battle for his children was heart-rending.

When will we all stop ignoring red flags?

The only problem with judging people by their previous relationships or even litigation is that very good people can make some very bad choices.  The problem with NOT at least trying to evaluate the previous relationships of those we love is that we may be doomed if we fail to learn the lessons of someone's past.

When we are dating and "in love," we adopt a "you and me against the world" mentality.  We feel secretly disloyal if we even consider the faults or culpability of our beloved.  But we need to be loyal to ourselves first.  That means checking out court files (which are public record) and speaking to our loved one's former spouses or lovers before making a commitment.  This approach may seem radical, but it could help avoid the unwanted drama and heartbreak that comes from accepting the wrong proposal.

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