Remember when Napster first came out, and people were downloading 3,000 songs a day? Then the government started suing 72-year old ladies for downloading a bunch of oldies, and everyone freaked out?

You couldn't download a song without someone saying, "Be careful, my cousin's friend got nailed for $8,000 in illegal downloads."

It's interesting that the government has never taken such aggressive measures with free porn. While I doubt (pray) that no one is downloading 3,000 files of porno a day, I have to imagine that most porn purveyors do not pay for content.

The porn industry feels the same way, apparently. And recently, it felt the best way to encourage people to stop pirating porno was not to sue them, but to tug at the ol' heart strings a little bit.

With a public service announcement.

While this isn't exactly Sarah McLachlan and the ASPCA, I did almost tear up.

Here's my review of it . . .

(and the whole thing here)

 

During the month of May, each of us on the WGN Morning News has been asked to share some of our favorite things about Chicago. It was meant to be a month-long series, but so far only 2 of us have filed stories. This is no indication of the work ethic my colleagues and I possess, but an indication of how incredibly difficult it is for us to get a camera in this place.

Well, guess who won the camera crew lottery last week?!?!

I decided to showcase the places I like best in my neighborhood, Lakeview, instead of all of Chicago. This IS an indication of my work ethic.

That, and I only had the camera man for 3 hours.
 
As for some of my other favorite places in Chicago . . .

Favorite Restaurant: La Scarola- the only Italian restaurant in town where the owner makes you do tequila shots.

Favorite Sporting Event: Blackhawks games- WGN has parking spots in the Jordan lot, so I never deal with traffic.

Favorite Grocery Store: Treasure Island- if you get there around Noon, the samples are fresh. The only other store that does this charges you membership.

Favorite Movie Theatre: Any of the Kerasotes Theatres- free popcorn and soda refills. Get there early, order the small size, and gorge yourself.

Favorite Public Bathroom: Harry Caray's Wrigleyville- I love it when a bar, not a lounge, not a restaurant, a BAR, has a bathroom attendant.
 

I don't know about you, but I love a good study. You know, the kind news people use to try and scare the hell out of you . . .
 
Example: "A new study released shows that drinking too much water . . . COULD cause cancer!'
 
I always wonder who thinks up these scenarios. Who was the first guy to walk into a meeting with lenders, and say, "Hey, I got a great idea for some of that grant money you're dying to give away. Let's prove that people who cross a street without looking both ways, are more likely to be hit by cars!"

Some future study-makers have teamed up with CNN  to tell use a few things about teenagers and text messaging. Most notably . . .

- teenagers text a lot
- texting keeps them up late
- they text in school

Oh, AND, texting is as bad as smoklng.

Here's my take 
 

I get letters all the time from people questioning my athletic prowess. Usually they contain a lot of mispellings and grammatical errors (so I'm paraphrasing here), but they usually say something like this:

"Pat, you suck. I'll bet you never even played a sport."

Well, now is your chance to find out. I am so confident in my abilities that I'm issuing a challenge to Chicagoland's best. I'm looking for the most elite athletes in the area- I'm talking world class swimmers, decorated martial artists, coveted basketball prospects, championship bowlers. If you're the best of the best, I'm calling you out.

Does your kid really want a piece of this?

Oh, one more minor detail . . .

You have to be 12-years old or younger.

That's right. The "Dream Killer" is looking to take down Chicago's athletic future! If your kid thinks he or she is up to it, or if you think they're up to it, then answer my challenge. E-mail me at feedback@wgntv.com, and in the "Subject" line, type "Pat's Challenge." I'll pick a handful of athletes to challenge in recurring segments on the WGN Morning News.

Some of you may have seen the show I did last summer, "Shaq Vs?"  Well this is gonna be just like that, except now I'M the big man!

Before you sign Junior up for a shellacking, though, I think you should see what you're getting him into . . .

Video of this kid is burning up the internet. He's 5-year old Ariel Antigua, and his handlers claim he can hit 85 mile-per-hour pitching. Bloggers are losing their minds over him, but I'm not sold. Video can be doctored, for one, and as some of today's Latin American players have shown, birth certificates can easily be forged.

Some people are creeped out by the sight of TIger Woods staring to the voice of his dead father. I am not. That's because I've seen this commercial before.

Sure, I may have only flirted with my cleaning lady, and not slept with 3 dozen women. But I still felt bad about it.
 

I've always been a fan of Easter egg hunts, but not Easter eggs. I think hard-boiled eggs are basically farts in a gelatinous form. Honestly, have you ever encountered a fart that smells worse than a hard-boiled egg? I am the Mickey Mantle of farting, and never have I produced something so foul.

But Easter egg hunts are wild fun. As a kid, ours were as simple as me and my brother searching for 6 eggs while my mother called out "Hotter!" or "Colder!" So I was intrigued by this Easter egg drop that happened last weekend.

10,000 kids, 60,000 eggs, and a helicopter.

What could go wrong . . .
 

Being in the business I am, I've encountered just about every kind of public relations pitch there is.

The kind with the exclamation mark right after the greeting: "Hi Pat!"

The kind where they tell me about "a story that will greatly interest my viewers."

The kind where they ask for some coverage for an event . . . that's in New York.

And the kind where they copy and paste their request, and forget to change the name at the top.

I understand and appreciate the importance of public relations, but like every other business, it has its share of clueless people. The difference is, everyone in PR is really excited all the time, and really believes in their pitch. So when this kind of person gets their hands on something, the crash-and-burn factor is immensely high.

Whoever arranged this little get-together is in the Hall of Fame.

(Some quick background, the CEO of the New Jersey Nets got into a little court-side altercation with a fan wearing a brown bag on his head. To make amends, he invited that fan to have lunch).

 

That's right- how to piss of YOUR co-workers. Mine have an enviable collective sense of humor, and enjoy comedy at their own expense.

I am not a master of voices, but I can be a master of mimicry- especially if I spend 4 hours a day with you . . . every day . . . for 5 years. Robin Baumgarten and Paul Konrad (and when he returns from his "sick day," Larry Potash), learned that painful fact today. They thought they were returning from the commercial break for a website segment, when they were actually receiving a very special April Fool's Day present from me.

I present to you now, the "WGN Morning News," with Pat Tomasulo, Pat Tomasulo and Pat Tomasulo.

THEN, watch their reactions to seeing themselves lampooned on live TV

I was never much of a school lunch buyer. The only time I'd partake from the public school offerings (notice I didn't say "buy") was on tater tot day.

I'd send my little buddy Jimmy Silvy from table to table, asking my fellow students if they'd like to share their tots with me. Believe it or not, I was actually one of the bigger kids in my class then (plus I wore a denim jacket), so I'm not sure they saw it as sharing. It was more like a tater tot "tax."

Deep-fried foods were about the only safe thing to eat when I was in school. Eating healthy was not a concern. Dry heaving was.

But significant advances have been since then, and now the Chicago Public Schools are trying to implement them. Healthier alternatives are being offered, while donuts, soda and nachos will soon be banned.

Actually, nachos won't be completely banned. You can still have fluorescent orange, kill-you-slowly cheese sauce, but only ONE DAY A WEEK. I applaud C.P.S. for taking such a bold step, but I wonder if, in the case of nachos, it will make much of a difference . . .

(Pictures of my fast food memories after the video)


 

Now, pictures of my cafeteria food memories . . .

I'm a day or 2 later with this entry than I would have liked, but understand that I work for a TV station.

It's not like we can churn out content any time we like.

It also took me 2 days to regain my power of speech after watching those Tiger Woods interviews. WOW. Heads of State aren't shown as much reverence. You'd think ESPN and Golf Channel were interviewing the parents of a missing toddler, not a golfer who had sex with a dozen women who were not his wife.

Those were 2 pretty good examples of why I have little interest in working for a major sports outlet (and the following video will probably guarantee I never get an offer from one).

I'm unable to show any of the ESPN video, as they restrict its usage on the internet (but they didn't mention anything about screen grabs). Golf Channel is allowing it, though. They just asked that we mention their 30+ hours of live Masters coverage. So, remember that Golf Channel is carrying 30+ hours of live Masters Coverage.

 

It's been a big week for sex scandals, with Sandra Bullock's husband cheating on her, and us finding out that Tiger Woods apparently likes to hit people with steel chairs during sex. But that doesn't explain how this one didn't resonate beyond the highly fortified walls of the Utah political machine.

Utah lawmaker Kevin Garn admitted to going naked hot-tubbing with a 15-year old. It happened when he was 28, so understand that he only had 10 years experience as a legal adult at the time- not the whopping 37 he has today.

For more, watch this week's edition of "The Pat-down 2.0."

 

 

Joining an exclusive club that includes the likes of Bret Michaels and the cast of Jersey Shore, the Blackhawks appeared on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno on Tuesday.   Jay went surprisingly blue on them in his monologue, saying they were in town "to get their asses kicked by the Ducks and Kings."

Then Kane and Toews had speaking roles in a hastily written portion of Leno's monologue.

My mother liked it.

We found out last week that Robert De Niro will play Vince Lombardi in an upcoming movie. Some are saying it could be the comeback role he needs.

These people obviously didn't see him as "The Archbishop of Peru" in The Bridge of San Luis Rey.

Robert De Niro doesn't have to come back from anywhere, because he never left. And if his audition tape for the movie is any indication, his portrayal of Lombardi should rank among the best impersonations in movie history.

Right up there with Kevin Spacey in Beyond the Sea, and Jennifer Love-Hewitt in The Audrey Hepburn Story.

 

I think the HD video quality is a nice touch.
 

Somewhere, Jose Offerman is sitting with his feet up, smiling . . .

He did it first, and he still did it best.

Episode 3 of my fledgling little internet show/commentary/tangible thing that keeps me from doing any REAL work around here.

You can only see it here, and on my "Pat-down" site at wgntv.com

There's probably a reason for that . . .

 

Television live shots are pretty standard. There's a reporter, usually standing in front of a courthouse, or on a highway overpass, or in a snowbank, or in front of a ballpark. The word "LIVE" appears in the top left corner of the screen. And in the other corner of the screen, usually over the reporter's shoulder, is the other staple of every good live shot.

A moron trying to get on TV.

Now, the moron could be doing a variety of things- staring, waving, grabbing his or her junk. It really makes no difference- they look equally dopey regardless. Some will even demand you include them in your broadcast. "Put me on TV!!!" My response to them is always the same:

Do something newsworthy.

Of course, saying that to the wrong person might bring even more trouble. But I haven't been shanked yet, so I'll continue on. 

I say, if they want to be on TV so badly, let's put them on TV.

    

I'm not complaining. It doesn't bother me, and anyone who gets into TV news should expect and accept it. But I still find it very fascinating. Imagine if a hazard of other jobs was a drunk Cubs fan jumping up-and-down behind you. How would Dr. Smith like it if, while examining a chest X-ray, some guy got behind him and started dry- humping the air? Or what if Officer Johnson was writing a speeding ticket, and behind him was a guy signaling what he did with his lady friend last night?

I would never do anything quite so risque. But I'm always willing to harass people in the name of a good social experiment.

 

Now enjoy some of my favorite reporter-idiot exchanges of all time.  And then watch more of "The Pat-down."

The makers of the Tiger Woods video game have sure picked a curious time to make some changes. For the first time, he will share the cover, though the man chosen as his co-cover boy was an obvious choice.

Rory McIlroy?

McIlroy is a budding golf star, but hardly the household name that Phil Mickelson is, or the sex symbol that Vijay Singh is. EA Sports says it included McIlroy (who is from Northern Ireland, and a rookie, by the way), to highlight the new "Ryder Cup" feature, which pits an American team against European teams.

Some of you may not find this significant, but Tiger has been the sole cover boy of his game for 14 years. This would be like Oprah sharing the cover of her magazine with Wendy Williams.

 

Today marks my return to blogging. My first foray into the blogosphere was years back on wgntv.com. I was one of the more diligent bloggers at the station. But unfortunately, finding the blog required equal diligence.