Posted at 10:45 a.m. Wednesday, Nov. 28
I have to admit that I was a bit of a Scrooge when I first watched ABC's new Christmas special "Shrek the Halls."
How could Shrek compete with such classic Christmas characters as the Grinch, Rudolf or Charlie Brown? He can't, but that doesn't really matter.
"Shrek the Halls" may rely too heavily on current references and popular music to feel fresh year after year, but for this Christmas it's just fine.
Shrek (voiced by Mike Myers) gets his first warning about Christmas from Donkey (Eddie Murphy), who tells him there "are only 159 days until Christmas."
"I don't care about Christmas," the grumpy green ogre tells him.
"You mean you haven't trimmed your stockings or hung your chestnuts or roasted the tree," Donkey screams.
When Shrek finds out that Princess Fiona (Cameron Diaz) is looking forward to their triplets' first Christmas, he has a change of heart and leaves the swamp for a last-minute stop at a book store.
"I have to make a Christmas and I have no idea what it is or how to do it," he tells the clerk. She hands him the book "Christmas for Village Idiots," and explains the final step for a perfect holiday.
"The telling of the Christmas story says 'I have created the perfect Christmas for my perfect family perfectly,'" she says.
Shrek decorates the house in a way only the swamp king could (a toliet seat as a wreath) and settles in with the family for their Christmas. Then Donkey, Puss in Boots (Antonio Banderas) and the fairyland gang bust in, redo all the ogre-centric decorations and generally wreak havoc on the house--and Shrek's perfect holiday.
Each character tells his version of who Santa is--which leads to some of the show's best gags.
Donkey tells the story of a Christmas parade complete with a roasted turkey that dances to "Gonna Make You Sweat (Everybody Dance Now)." He doesn't snap out of his own story until he inadvertently licks Shrek's leg as he imagines that Santa's a giant made of waffles.
Puss sees Santa as "a hot Latin cat, a real Santa ... Claws." As Puss explains that Santa has a cute fuzzy thing hanging from his hat, he becomes mesmerized, cat-like, with an ornament hanging above him.
Gingerbread Man has the best tale, however. He recounts a horrific holiday when Santa ate his gingerbread date.
When the party gets out of control (There's disco dancing, spilled food, fires and Gingerbread Man throws up a tasty chocolate kiss), a fed-up Shrek tosses everyone out into the snow. Fiona scolds her hubby and follows the gang out the door, teaching Shrek a valuable lesson:
There's no such thing as a perfect Christmas. The holiday is a crazy time of high hopes and low disappointments, so all you can do is embrace your family and the madness of the season.
As Donkey says to the gang, "Christmas isn't Christmas until somebody cries."
I'm not sure kids will absorb the message, but for adults who have spent any holiday with their own family dysfunction this may be the smartest moral of any Christmas story ever told.

