Wedded bliss & dis: Both on reality shows

JON & KATE PLUS 8
8 p.m. Monday, TLC
Tune in or out? No screener available, but I'm sick of them.

Producers still were busy editing the Season 5 premiere and unable to send out a screener. But clips we do see at the Web site show the angry couple keeping away from each other during a birthday party. They’ve been sparring in the press like nobody’s business, which is exactly what I think their marital problems are. I just can’t believe a pursuit for fame has clouded their judgments enough to put their kids through such a public spectacle.

What's going on in the newlyweds' house? Fun and games. ABC photo

HERE COME THE NEWLYWEDS
9 p.m. Monday, WLS-Ch. 7 (ABC)
Tune in or out? out of four.

I actually had fun watching this update of “The Newlywed Game.” Several couples vie for a cash prize of $100,000 by doing tasks and competitions against each other that ultimately teach each person about their own partner. It’s fun a frivolous, and no one seems to get too personal.

Will they or won't they on "Hitched or Ditched?" Who cares? CW photo

HITCHED OR DITCHED
8 p.m. Tuesday, WGN-Ch. 9 (CW)
Tune in or out? out of four.

Ugh and double ugh. The show offers couples that, for whatever reason, haven’t tied the knot after being together for a long time. They have a week to get ready for a wedding the show pays for, and then during the ceremony they decide whether they will take the plunge. I can’t believe anyone would agree to this—how much money they getting beside the wedding expenses? And how hateful is it if one of them says no so late in the game? Watch out for Chicago couple—or are they anymore?—Paul and Erica.

TORI & DEAN: HOME SWEET HOLLYWOOD
9 p.m. Tuesday, Oxygen
Tune in or out? out of four.

Tori Spelling likes to whine, and whine and whine and whine. Dean McDermott calls himself a douchebag. And they both are abut as "real" as the latest romcom. This season they’ve bought another new house and are trying to sell the old one, and Tori is complaining about not being able to be a stay-at-home mom to Liam and Stella—as she sits by her pool at home with her kids. She also gripes when photographers start shooting photos of her family at a park. Um, isn't that what the show's photogs are doing? Call when you get a real problem, princess.

Bill Klein and Jen Arnold were married last year. TLC photo

THE LITTLE COUPLE
9 p.m. Tuesday, TLC
Tune in or out? out of four.

Bill Klein and Jen Arnold are both under four feet tall, newly married and moving cross country so she can start a new job as a pediatrician. They both seem incredibly pleasant and fun, but what makes me happiest about this show is that it has heart and little TMI. It simply shares the perspectives of people who we don’t normally meet.