So you've started seeing a guy/girl you really like. Maybe you have nailed it down into something more serious, maybe not; one day (s)he tells you (s)he really likes you, the next day (s)he's blowing you off for better plans with other friends. Mixed signals are not-too-uncommon source of relationship anxiety.
Dating Archives
Mixed Signals
So you've started seeing a guy/girl you really like. Maybe you have nailed it down into something more serious, maybe not; one day (s)he tells you (s)he really likes you, the next day (s)he's blowing you off for better plans with other friends. Mixed signals are not-too-uncommon source of relationship anxiety.
What Are You Doing April 10th? Hanging Out With Me and Jessica Downey? Oh Okay, Cool!
Calling all Chicago Singles! ChicagoNow bloggers Erin K. (You know me!) and Jessica Downey of All the Single Ladies want to hook you up! We are dating, relationship and sex experts after all.
Join us for at The Kerryman on April 10th at 8pm for a singles mixer that will feature gettin- to-know-you games, cocktails, and a raffle with date-worthy prizes. With Jess and I as your hostesses, there is no doubt that fun will be had by all.
Obvi, sitting at home on your couch is not the most pro-active way to meet someone, so make the most of your Saturday night and start it out with us, who knows you could find a date to finish it with!
Here are the deets:
Single's Soiree at The Kerryman (661 N. Clark St.)
April 10th at 8pm
Sponsored By:
The Kerryman
Museum of Contemporary Art
Second City
The Blue Jeans Bar
Halo for Men
Massage Envy
City Scents
The Game
My younger sister came to visit over the weekend, and no doubt a number of shenanigans went down, including, but not limited to getting dressed up and going out on the town, lots of shopping, and an appearance at the House of Sushi and Noodle.
Upon retrieving her at O'Hare she quickly filled me in on the status of her "roster." That's right, the roster of men she's dating at present. I am in awe of women like her. She is a magnet- hot, fun, and very into sports. Obvi why she's going out with enough guys to warrant a team list.
Dating Advice inspired by the Mathematical Order of Operations
The amount of time one should spend with a person before having sex seems to be a hot topic amongst the blogosphere...maybe just a hot topic in general in this post sexual revolution world.
We've been liberated-but somehow sex still complicates things, emotions get involved despite our best efforts to leave them out of the process. Why not revert to the problem solving skills we learned in high school to make sense of it all?
The Urban Dater wrote a post today showcasing his male version of the order of operations for dating in response to a tweet from @lildevilmama who was inspired to post about the very same order of operations by one of my fave/fello ChiNow bloggers, Jess Downey of All the Single Ladies.
The gist-how should a dating relationship go? What is the right order to put a relationship in to make sure things turn out well for both parties? I'm going to give this one a shot with the old high school algebra mnemonic device used to help remember the order of operations, Please Excuse My Dear Aunt Sally:
Digital Love: Pick the Date not the Dude

In my daily browsing of the interwebs, I came across yet another internet dating site, Howaboutwe.com, due to launch in NYC in the next month before going national.
What differentiates How About We from the Match.coms and eHarmonies of the internet dating world is its approach. Using actual dates as currency, the site hopes to bring people with similar interests together via proposed, user created dates. You propose a date, the site sends said date to people who've indicated it may be up their alley, and they check out your profile if they're interested.
1938 Dating Advice-Don't Talk and Don't Get Wasted.
So Far Away, Doesn't Anybody Stay in One Place Anymore?
In our increasingly flat world, it seems more and more Gen-Yers are opting to take their relationships long distance when career paths or schooling choices call for relocating. No longer bound by geography, we live our lives in a much larger radius than was possible even just 10 years ago.
Being a twenty-something in this day and age has become a time of continued self-exploration spent figuring out one's identity as an adult, seeking opportunities that could send us across the country or the world at any moment. We are prepared for these opportunities, not only are they exciting, but also practical. Chances are if you're moving, you've either got a dope job offer or are putting yourself in the position to get at dope job offer.
What we don't often account for in our oh so pragmatic scheming is the possibility of meeting someone in one location before that big opportunity arises. In some ways meeting someone special to you is similar to the big opp. They are both rare and to be seized, but mostly, in midst of all our plotting, we never know when they'll come along.
Thus, long distance relationships (LDRs) have become more prevalent. Why shouldn't we have our cake and eat it too? Technology has come far enough to make romance from a distance more feasible and slightly less painful than ever before. Though there is no fail proof replacement for your big spoon (not even the boyfriend pillow) being close while miles away has gotten easier.
My Quirky Valentine
Valentine's Day Shmalentine's Day is what you may be thinking to yourself as this oft dreaded holiday roles around. Hallmark really did a doozy when they created this one. I think part of the reason Valentine's gets a bit of a bad rap is that it attempts to make expressing your affection a cookie cutter experience.
Relationships are as unique as the individuals who comprise them, so why not bust out of the flowered, candied, heart shaped box this year and show your valentine you care with something that says, "I get you" instead of just "I love you."
The Waiting Game
These days it seems I'm waiting on a lot. Not the most patient of people, anticipating anything I am excited for or nervous about tends to give me a mild case of insomnia and/or render me a little irritable. Writing has always been my way of making sense of any strong feeling I may have, thus today, I have decided to do a little research on what makes waiting such a double edged sword.
Anticipation is definded by the Oxford American Dictionaries as "Expectancy, expectation, excitement, suspense." Most know the feeling, it's waiting for something you don't want to wait for, the aching that you feel when you're away from the one you love, the butterflies you feel as you're about to embark on a new adventure.
Think Like A Man
It seems the new wave in dating advice for women is all about maintaining a lady-like exterior, but thinking like a man.
Last year my mom, the Peg-ster, read Steve Harvey's book Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man and shortly thereafter told my sisters and I that if we could just hold on to the cookie for three months, we could have boys wrapped around our fingers.
Digital Love: Effective Profile Pictures for Online Dating
The official OKCupid! blog posted some interesting data busting myths about what sort of profile pictures are most effective for online dating sites.
After analyzing 7,000 prof pics for attitude, context, and skin (as in cleavage and abs) there were a few surprising results:
Communication Between the Sexes
I suppose it's no surprise that sometimes there is a bit of a language barrier when dealing with member's of the opposite sex. As much as it's true that we are all human beings, that hormonal difference can be a large gap to fill.
Today I saw a couple of interesting tweets that got me thinking. One from Askmen.com dispelling 5 myths about what women want and another from TheFrisky.com regarding what men think about during sex. Honestly, I feel after centuries of coexistence, that we should have it a little more figured out by now, but I guess there's no accounting for evolution or simple over-analysis.
Digital Love: Shopping for Boyfriends Online
I'm sure it will come as no surprise that I've been reading the New York Times. Modern Love is one of my favorite columns and always provides thoughtful fodder for this blog. The column that ran on January 8th, called, How I Earned My Wings Back, details it's author's specific agenda to date a pilot.
Inspired by a Match.com date with a man only in it for her publishing contacts, Tiffany Hawk decided that she too could be a little "careerist" in her search for a mate:
But what if I were to fall in love with a pilot? No longer would I have to peddle onboard snacks or work 14-hour shifts to earn my trips around the world. And it's not as if I'd have to become some Debra Winger-style groupie from "An Officer and a Gentleman," desperate for a pilot to rescue me from my backwater town; I was already living happily in Los Angeles and gainfully employed. I would merely start using "pilot" as a search term to help narrow the field, just as my previous date seemingly had used "magazine editor."The crux of the article is that specificity is important when you are dating. If you long for a jet-set lifestyle, a pilot probably shares the same value.
5 Things Not To Do On a First Date
Digital Love: 5,000 "Fatties" Kicked Off a Dating Site
Online dating site, BeautifulPeople.com who's homepage's first bullet points are:
- Do looks matter to you, when it comes to selecting a partner?
- Do you want to guarantee your dates will always be beautiful?
- No more filtering through unattractive people on mainstream sites
"Letting fatties roam the site is a direct threat to our business model and the very concept for which BeautifulPeople.com was founded."WOW! So much for finding someone with depth and substance... Apparently all really really ridiculously good looking people care about in a mate is if (s)he is, well, really really ridiculously good looking.
Defining a Relationship, Necessary or Not?
SPOILER ALERT: Zooey Deschanel's character, Summer, is a girl who refuses to define her relationship with Tom (Joseph Gordon Levitt), her doting admirer who thinks that she is "the one." This lack of definition essentially sends him on a roller coaster of emotion, chasing mixed message after mixed message until he ends up heart broken.
To be fair, Summer told Tom upfront that she wasn't looking for anything serious and he continued to fall in love. The whole question of defining whether or not he was her boyfriend haunted him throughout the film. I wondered, would that title have spared his feelings in the end?
'Tis The Season for ...Breaking Up?
Last winter I suffered two different girls bursting into tears in the middle of perfectly nice apartments because they were moving out of their bf's condos. Hello awkward.
So why does this time of year, which is supposed to be filled with love and good cheer inspire this mess of broken couples?
Digital Love: Busted by the Facebook or Your Phone.
So we've talked about being a sappy Facebook couple as well as defriending your ex, it seems only logical to move on to the perils of carrying on an affair in our increasingly digital world.
One point I have to make, is that despite the password protected account, your information on the internet, especially on a site like Facebook is just as public as if you published a profile of yourself in your town's weekly paper. The internet may give one the illusion that they are existing in a world of his/her own creation, but truly, it has become the same world (s)he exists in with everyone else.
Holiday Dates in Chicago Vol.4: Dinner and a Movie
For the last date in this series, I'm going for the classic dinner and a movie with a holiday twist. The Music Box Theatre on at 3733 N. Southport show the classic holiday movies, It's A Wonderful Life and my personal favorite, White Christmas. Check for show times here.
After the movie, head next door to the fabulous Argentinean steak house, Tango Sur at 3763 N. Southport. The dimly lit eatery is BYOB and surprisingly wallet friendly.
More On Peter Pan and Men in Their Twenties
Between my post on "Peter Pan Syndrome" and my my cohort Jessica Downey's post on "The 26-Year-Old Effect" this has been a week of posts about younger, or at least younger acting men.
After reading Jess's post I was excited because I have been wanting to write about a study I recently read done by Rutgers University and The National Marriage Project called The State of Our Unions.
Self-Esteem and Good Relationships Go Hand in Hand
Ever feel yourself morphing from the cool, laid back girl you know yourself to be, into the crazy girlfriend? You know the one I'm talking about. The one tempted to break into her boyfriends phone and read every text or check his email when he's stepped away from the computer to go to the bathroom.
It is one thing to be jealous, sure, if a guy you're dating is constantly checking out other women in front of you or has an ex that keeps rearing her ugly head, you may have reason to pause and wonder. But, irrational insanity due to past relationship burns or your insistent need to be all up in your man's biz are inexcusable. These are the things that give a women a bad rap in relationships. What is it about being in a relationship that turns some women to crazy? I will argue that is nothing more or less than poor self-esteem. If you are so worried about holding on to one man that it has driven you to needless snooping and stalker like attachment, it probably means that deep down, you are worried that there won't be someone else to love you if things don't work out.
Adventures in Dating: Concious and Unconcious Ploys to Attract
If only dating were as simple as a guy and a girl meeting up and having a few things in common. No,no, we must complicate things with the illusive quality of attraction to the other person. Chemistry is the thing that mucks dating up most often, but many would say there needs to be a certain je ne sais quoi between two people in order for a relationship to be successful.
I mean come on, I know we've all been there. The seemingly perfect man or woman stands in front of you, they are handsome and share similar interests with you, but when you kiss him/her it feels like a car bottoming out as opposed to "butterflies in your stomach."
So what creates that mysterious za-za-zoo, as my sister calls it? I would argue that there are a few things we can do to make ourselves attractive to the opposite sex, but a few things that are just too chemical to fake.
Holiday Dates in Chicago Vol.3: ZooLights
Lincoln Park's Zoolights is a perfect holiday date. Strolling through the bedecked zoo, complete with musical light show and pictures of Santa is nostalgic and fun.
Once your cheeks are rosy and you've had your fill of the cold, walk up the street to the Lincoln Park mainstay, the Bourgeois Pig at 738 W. Fullerton to warm up with a Ghiradelli hot chocolate.
Zoolights is open nightly December 18th-January 3rd from 5-9pm and admission is free.
Frisky Fridays: Chicago's Sexy Happenings For the Week to Come!
Church of the Subgenius Devival at The Liars Club (1665 W. Fullerton) December 12th:
Devival hosted by Pope Michael Flores entitled "Sex Miracles and You." Starting at 8pm come for 24 hour marriages, reverse healings, sex with aliens!
John Opera: Drinking Water in Bed at the Andrew Rafacz Gallery (835 W. Washington Blvd) Dec. 12th-Jan. 16th:
Comprised of three distinct but almost imperceptibly different portraits of a woman bringing a glass of water to her lips, Drinking Water in Bed is a study in interiority and intimacy.Water as a metaphor for dreaming, sex and the female body has long been referenced in all forms of art, and Opera returns to these ideas by presenting them directly, without irony or hyperbole. The result is a series of minimal depictions that maximize their emotional and ontological impact. The gallery is open Tuesday-Friday from 11am-6pm and Saturday from 11am-5pm.
Date and Dash: Speed Dating for College Grads at Xippos (3759 N. Damen) Dec. 17th:
Sign up for speed dating with other college graduates. Tickets are $35, check in at 8pm and start the party at 8:30.
Following the Follow Up: Post Break-Up Digital Cleansing
I'm thinking I need to start aggregating all of this info about social media relationships and write a book about proper digital etiquette. In fact, my besties and I were talking about how necessary this manual is just last night.
Time Out Chicago recently published this article called Fix Twitter and Facebook: How to mend your relationship with social media. This is a great piece that gets a little more in depth about options you have for post-break up digital cleansing and managing your social network in general.
Writer Christina Couch even gives a happy alternative to de-friending, hiding your ex. Hiding someone removes their updates from your news feed. It's an approach that is a little less, "you're dead to me." Maybe this would be good for a break-up from someone you weren't that serious with and may want to be friends with again. Otherwise, I still advocate de-friending so there is no option for stalking.
Is Love the Same in Every Language?
Titled "Even in English, a Language Gap," Percy writes about how hesitant she is to believe her German speaking boyfriend's declarations of love to her. She wonders:
"Could it really mean the same thing for him to say "I love you" in English if he spoke German? He said it did, of course it did. But I sensed that when he cursed in English it was just a sound to him, because when I curse in a foreign language it's just a sound to me. Why should saying "I love you" be any different?"
Holiday Dates in Chicago Vol.2: Lula Cafe and The Whistler
One of my favorite spots for a romantic dinner is Lula Cafe at 2537 N. Kedzie Blvd. The cozy yet chic ambiance and seasonal menu lends a sense of occasion to a dinner at Lula.
Co-owners Jason Hammel and Amalea Tshilds create monthly specials based on local, seasonal produce. This December try the house made charcuterie, grilled arctic char with peeky toe crab fritters, and finish it off with cranberry brown butter, caramel ribbon, and praline pecan ice creams.
After Lula, head down the street to The Whistler at 2421 N. Milwaukee for a little night cap. The speakeasy setting is alluring and sexy and the designer cocktails are the perfect end to a festive evening.
Baby Makin' Song of the Week: Eartha Kitt's "Santa Baby"
Packed with sassy double entendres, there will be no trouble igniting a fire with this Christmas Classic! Enjoy!
First Friday at Museum of Contemporary Art
One funny and chance meeting did occur, when my friend eyed a guy she thought was cute. I said, "We'll ask him to take a picture of us for SATWC, easy ice breaker." Sure enough said cute guy was Stephen Markley, fellow ChicagoNow blogger.
As great as this event concept is, I don't know that I would go to First Friday again. By the end of the night it just sort of felt like a meat market as opposed to a cool way to meet like-minded people, but "A" for effort MCA.
Breaking Up is Hard to Do: Methods for Letting Your Mate Down Gently
Being the broken one in a split is no good either. The literally aching heart alone is enough to send anyone crying into a bottle. Jilted is not so sexy.
Though painful, breaking-up is a fact of life, and I'd like to share a few methods, some tested, and some that have come highly recommended.
Frisky Fridays: Chicago's Sexy Weekend Happenings!
Chicago is bustling with holiday cheer this weekend and week! Check out a few of these:
First Friday at the Museum of Contemporary Art (220 East Chicago Avenue)
From 6-10pm every first Friday of the month, the MCA pulls in the happy hour crowd for art, music, Wolfgang Puck hors d'oeuvres and a cash bar. Home to the only iMac G5 digital dating bar, and featuring the work of a new up-and-coming Chicago artist each month, the MCA's First Friday is good for a taking in a little culture and hopefully some talent as well. $16 for non-member ( $8 for non-members). Buy advanced tickets for $11 here.
Added Bonus: I will be at First Friday tonight!!! Catch me snapping pics and look for them and a review of the evening sometime tomorrow!!!
Are You Over Sexted? James Lipton Thinks So
This is hilarious. Thank you James Lipton for being concerned over the sexters of the world. Also for putting your beard on that teen in gym shorts.
Adventures in Dating: Kisser in Training
"OH that's easy to fix," she types, I can hear her sounding like an old pro.
"What?"
"Yeah, you just have to train them. I've done it a couple of times."
This idea is hilarious to me. Typically, if the kissing is bad I take it as a sign of poor chemistry, apparently it's just a matter of a few easy moves...
Holiday Dates in Chicago Vol.1: Ice Skating in Millenium Park
As I'm sitting here in my already bedecked apartment (Thanks Roomies!) I'm totally over the food coma and getting into the holiday spirit. So I was thinking, why not figure out some great holiday dates that will keep your love life as cheerful as that Bailey's spiked coffee you've been drinking in the morning.
Baby Makin' Song of the Week: Creature Fear by Bon Iver
I love this song from Bon Iver, the boys of Wisconsin's Northwoods. Their debut album, For Emma, Forever Ago, released in February 2008 gained the band some serious indie cred.
This song, reminiscent of winter, begins with a lilting, bluesy guitar, and builds to Justin Vernon crooning about the animal fears of humanity. It is a mid-winter, Sunday-morning love song, and as the days have gotten grayer, it's melancholy languor is just what the doctor ordered.
My favorite version is the one from the July 2008 Daytrotter Session, check it out here.
"Sex and the College Girl," 52 years Later It's Surprising How Little Has Changed.
Interestingly enough, the editorial parallels problems many of my friends still gripe about today, 52 years later. Problems like, "When is too soon to go all the way?" and "How can we relate to men on both intellectual and sexual levels?" Most importantly, Johnson deals with the educated woman's desire to have it all, regardless of anatomy.
Digital Love: Shouting from Your Desk Chair is Not Shouting from the Rooftops
I'll never forget watching that late scene in Superbad when Seth and Evan declare their love for each other, saying they want to shout it from the rooftops. A common sentiment, I've been up on that roof too, when you are so in love you want to the whole world to know.
It seems the internet is full of haters these days, haters of love on the Facebook. YourTango.com ran a posting, 5 most Annoying Facebook couples, and there is even a whole blog dedicated to obnoxious married folk on the FB called STFUmarrieds. For some reason there is something particularly nauseating about paying witness to posts like, "I have the best boyfriend ever. Luv U Baby," or even worse, couples conversing with each other on Facebook... Aren't their phones for that?
To De-Friend or Not to De-Friend: Follow Up
Consensus is, yes, it is, you should stop being such a masochist and de-friend. In the old days, 5 years ago, people still managed to reconnect without social media. If you're meant to be together, it will happen.
For more insight on post-break up digital cleansing check out this article at yourtango.com.
Adventures in Dating:Too Much, Just Right, Not Enough
Though I have been known to have a drink or two in my day-I mean please, I'm as Irish as they come- once I hit 24 the hangover after a night at the bar doing shots became unbearable. While I still like to go out and have a good time, I think my puking days are over. And somehow, I'm having trouble finding a person who can meet me there in the middle.
Mama's boy didn't drink at all. My roommate immediately called deal breaker. I defended my position, "It doesn't matter, as long as he can still have fun." Sure enough, homeboy was humorless, he never would have lasted amongst my jovial bunch of friends. Broken deal.
Get Stuffed This Thanksgiving: Aphrodisiac Side Dishes
Typically, Thanksgiving is all about food comas, football, and Catch Phrase with the fam, why not add a little romance in there as well? Fight the effects of tryptophan this year by adding some more stimulating ingredients to your sides. Greens and spices such as asparagus, figs, nutmeg, ginger, and honey are all aphrodisiacs that will have you swapping that post-feast nap for a higher calorie burn activity...
To De-Friend or Not to De-Friend: Do Break-ups Transcend Digital Boundaries?
Adventures in Dating: Mama Say Deal Breaker
Imagine a lovely mid-November evening, you've set up a date with a strapping young man from OkCupid! for seven o'clock. Sitting, at quaint, semi-hipster cafe sipping your iced coffee you wait a half hour before said young man appears and then within the span of an hour, over veggie burgers and falafel, he tells you that he doesn't drink, mentions his ex, and to top it all off, is a self-proclaimed "Mama's Boy."
My Aunt Cooky always tells the story of the three criterion her dates needed to meet before she met the dream that is my Uncle Johnny:
1. The had to be Catholic
2. They had to be successful and happy in their life choices
3. (with emphasis) NO MAMA'S BOYS.
Interestingly enough, the excessive lateness, sobriety, and talk of ex-girlfriends was tolerable from my tardy date, but the second the words "mama's boy" were uttered, Aunt Cooky's words rang in my mind. The deal was broken.
Why, when we care so much that a man treats his mother well, can't we stomach a man who consults her? Where is the line between loving his mom and a mama's boy, and why is it such a problem?
Sass Factor: Break-Up Cards from Etsy, for those who fear and loathe confrontation.
"Women give sex to get love. Men give love to get sex."
Penned by Lisa Guest, the article is written from a feminist vantage. About to turn 50, Guest chronicles her hunt for the illusive female orgasm from her twenties to the present. Explaining that, though she is still single, it is not only passion, but the complete package she is looking for in her love-making. Check the article out here.
One Night Stand
I Love these girls!!! I am sucker for novelty bands, ever since my friends from high school sat around a campfire coming up with silly songs, cleverly named ("God spelled backwards is Dog" anyone?) and brimming with hilarity. Garfunkel and Oates is sort of like a female Flight of the Conchords, I got addicted to their YouTube page last week and watched pretty much everything they've done. It's fine, they are the tits. I've also been singing this song for the past 5 days.
Adventures in Dating: The OkCupid! Files
More and more of the friends I talk to these days have been flocking to internet dating sites in search of men. Apparently, the good ole fashioned days of, "Can I buy you a drink," have been traded for shopping online for attractive folk and with witty, facebook-esque profiles. Until recently my hopelessly romantic sensibilities have led me to steer away from such methods, but alas, I seem to be as hard up as the rest of my peers, and so, now, in honor of my bloggery, I've decided to do a comprehensive review of the dating sites, starting with OkCupid!

