Sex and the Windy City

Defining a Relationship, Necessary or Not?

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I FINALLY saw 500 Days of Summer last night, and beyond loving the music and all of Zooey Deschanel's outfits, the film started those wheels in my brain to turning.  Is defining your romantic relationship a necessary step?

SPOILER ALERT: Zooey Deschanel's character, Summer, is a girl who refuses to define her relationship with Tom (Joseph Gordon Levitt), her doting admirer who thinks that she is "the one."  This lack of definition essentially sends him on a roller coaster of emotion, chasing mixed message after mixed message until he ends up heart broken.

To be fair, Summer told Tom upfront that she wasn't looking for anything serious and he continued to fall in love. The whole question of defining whether or not he was her boyfriend haunted him throughout the film.  I wondered, would that title have spared his feelings in the end?

Some say that having the dreaded "talk" is only necessary when you are insecure in the relationship, to quote collegecandy.com, "If it walks like a boyfriend and talks like a boyfriend, chances are: it's a boyfriend." When things are going well with someone, you will know it, and all you have to do is enjoy the fun you are having together.

But if you are nervous and unsure, than maybe a "talk" is necessary.  Be prepared for the worst if you are going to incite this conversation, because maybe, like Summer, your guy or girl will drop the "I'm really not looking for anything serious" line. Here are some other potential doozers that get thrown during the"talk" and how to be ready for them.

I think, when it comes down to the come down, "talk" or not, the important thing in any romantic relationship is to make sure you aren't compromising.  My Aunt Cooky always says that you need to find someone who digs you, and this is true. When you've got that person who "digs" you by your side, the only talk you will need to have is about what the two of you will be doing on Saturday night.



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4 Comments

Joe S said:

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I haven't watched the movie yet because the plot you describe sounds exactly like my spring/summer 2009.

You're right it shouldn't be necessary to have any official talk but why would it ever be a problem for someone to ask "so what's up with us, anyway? are we exclusive, bf/gf, friends with benefits, or what?"

In my experience, you can't just assume monogamy and reciprocated levels of romantic interest. I don't think it's a bad thing to want to know. You should accept whatever answer you get and respond with honesty and dignity, regardless of how you feel. Unless they really threw you for a loop, I guess.

Erin Keane said:

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I definitely think it's okay to ask your mate for some definition, I mean, how do Facebook relationship statuses happen without them. I'm just saying that there shouldn't be unnecessary pressure put on the definition of things... You should watch the movie. It's totally relevant for us urban twenty-somethings.

Jessica Downey said:

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I haven't watched the movie yet - but I need to! You made great points here and it made me think. Actually I had to blog about it too! :)

Erin Keane said:

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It's a must watch...Happy New Year!!

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