Breaking Up is Hard to Do: Methods for Letting Your Mate Down Gently

1. Lemon Law
Pioneered by the ever lovable Barney Stinson (played by Neil Patrick Harris) of How I Met Your Mother, the "Lemon Law" is a quick way to break up with someone on a bad first date.  On HIMYM, Stinson gives a dater 5 minutes to decided whether or not they would like to continue getting to know the other person. If not, they may simply call "Lemon Law" and leave.  Though it may seem cruel, I like this.  It is a funny way to get out of a potentially yucky situation. I have been on more than a few dates when I knew instantly that I would not want to see dude again. If only I had been privy to the lemon law, I would have saved myself, and dude an hour or two and some potentially weird feelings.

2.The Ice
The ice is a break-up tactic to be employed in short term dating situations, for instance, you've been on three dates, (s)he is an un-trainably bad kisser, and no sex has been had. The thought of confronting a person you are so minimally committed to can be nausea inducing, this is where the ice comes in.  You just stop returning her/his phone calls, g-chats, emails, or any channel of communication and hope (s)he takes the hint.  The ice can backfire however, if the broken proceeds to stalk you, in which case, you need to take your balls out of your purse and let the person know you just aren't interested, no matter how repulsive the confrontation may be.

3. The Slow Fade
This also really only works in low commitment situations. Say you've been dating someone for a month or so, you are at the point where you owe him more than the ice, but you still don't feel obligated to confront him and give the spiel about how great he is, but...yada yada.  The slow fade is simply executed, all you need to do is become "monumentally busy" for a few weeks leaving no time for dating, and by the time the person realizes it's not happening between you two, he can handily tell his friends "She's just really busy these days and the timing is off," as opposed to "She dumped with all of those usual bullshit excuses."  I think the slow fade is best for the feelings of both parties

4. We Need to Talk
This bad boy is for the biggies, if you have been involved with someone, for any length of time, in a relationship-y type of way, you really should be kind enough to sit down with her face to face and say "Hey, I'm sorry, but things aren't working out for me."  Certainly, discussion will ensue, but if you cared about her genuinely enough to hang out a few times a week and spend some Fridays in with dinner and Netflix, than you should care enough to give her a dignified break-up.  Believe it or not, you'll probably feel better about yourself too.  Closure is a good thing.

Now that you know how to break-up, remember, post break-up manners are important too.  Be kind, cut your digital ties and erase that phone number.  Drunk-dialing your scorned lover for a booty-call is just cruel.