Queer comes the bride

This past weekend I went to a friend's Christian wedding with my lesbian luvvah. They aren't fire-and-brimstone kind of Christians, but still, for me it's always a little unnerving to walk into a church, regardless of whether I plan on gayin' it up or not. In fact, I consider pretty much any church-going experience where I don't burst into flames to be a positive one. I also love weddings - open bar, dancing, all the love eyes - so if I have to bow my head a few times and pretend I know the words to the Lord's Prayer, then so be it.

Still, churches make me feel rebellious, even the ones that are in no way sanctioned by looney toons like Fred "God Hates Fags" Phelps. I feel like I have to defy the institution of religion in some way whenever I'm forced to participate in its rituals. Fine, I think to myself, persecute the queers all you want, but know that I'm not wearing underwear!

This is strangely satisfying, much like using the restroom in Starbucks without buying anything. Take that, corporate coffee! Viva la revolution! After that, I have imaginary arguments with myself, just in case anyone tries to start a debate with me about my "lifestyle" (and to freshen up my trivia on the Bonobo chimp).

Of course, no one has ever said anything disparaging about my sexuality or tried to convince me that I was going to hell unless I repented. Why? because they are often too busy propositioning me. Yes, this is my cross to bear as a young, mildly attractive bisexual. Whenever my girlfriend and I go out, and I don't mean to bars, I mean to get laundry quarters or check the mail, we get comments. These range from the slightly annoying (applause and/or nefarious winking) to the intrusive ("I want a hug!" and/or swipes at our hands) to the nonsensical ("Wow. Yabba dabba dooba!"). I realize that this kind of harassment happens to ALL women and honestly, I don't usually pay much attention to it. I laugh at the stupidity of the guy who thinks he's going to get laid by shouting, "I used to be a woman!" at us and, I won't lie, I do like the validation. And occasionally I've been known to encourage such behavior. But being propositioned at a wedding reception, whose program had the word God in it 122 times (I counted), that was a new one, even for me. Not only am I not wearing underwear, but I'm also going to have an orgy. You're welcome, Jesus!

My question is this - what can be done about those comments that are unwelcome? Ignore them? Make snide remarks? Flip them the bird? Part of me wants to put on my Feminist Hat and try to create a dialogue with such cat-callers, but my Realist Hat tells me that you can't have a dialogue with someone who only speaks Fred Flinstone.

What's a girl to do?