Can't bi me love: Why won't he sleep with me?
So I met this guy about a month ago, and we dig each other. He's not looking for a relationship, and I'm not going to waste my energy trying to make him, so we're basically in the "friends with benefits" stage. The "benefits", however, only go so far. We've had several steamy make out sessions in the car outside my house (with all the high school flashbacks included), but no sex. After one of these sessions, he told me he was having sex with someone else, and that it was a random, no-emotions arrangement. But we couldn't have sex because he felt guilty about having sex with two people at once. I should mention I'm polyamorous and do, in fact, sleep with more than one person. I would like him to be one of those people. My question is twofold: What the f*ck, is this dude stupid? And, I can't believe I'm saying this, how do I get this guy to sleep with me?
Benefit-less in Chicago
You know, there are dozens of articles on how to get a woman to sleep with you, but not the other way around. After exhaustive research, the only one I found simply said, "Take your shirt off," and since you've probably already rounded that base, I'm not going to repeat that sage advice (any more than I already have just now).
To answer your first question, there are a number of reasons for
sleeping with only one person at a time, although "guilt" falls
relatively low on that list, somewhere between "because I don't have to
shave as often" and "so I don't have to choose between sex and my
favorite Food Network programs." The obvious perks to monogamous sex
are less risk for STDs and having someone you trust to release the
erotic asphyxiation noose before you lose all oxygen flow to
your brain and die.
As to the second question, there are a few methods you can employ to
bring out The Nookie, none of them involving cookies (Thanks for
nothing, Fred Durst!). One: If at first you don't succeed, try, try
again. If you keep having hot and heavy make-out sessions, odds are
eventually he'll want to take things further, unless he's Katy Perry,
in which case, he likes it but his boyfriend will probably be pissed.
Two: Try the opposite of what you've been doing. If you're coming on
strong, let him take the initiative. If you make out in cars, get thee
to a dance floor, or any floor will do, really. Sometimes a change of
pace/scenery/channel is all it takes to go from lip lock to bed rock
(boot knock? Sock hop? (What? I like my sex to rhyme)). Three: Find
someone who actually wants to sleep with you. Why put yourself through
the frustration of a benefit-less friend when you don't have to? Is he
under warranty? A friend with benefits arrangement has to be mutually
beneficial to all parties involved. Give your blue balls (labes?) a
rest already and find that special someone(s) who will give you the
deep dicking you so clearly deserve.
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